tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-77034736374705882912024-03-13T22:37:13.824-04:00The BobliothequeAfter a promising beginning, Bob has become a paunchy, middle-aged man with little bird legs and low self esteem. Corporate America has all but broken his spirit and robbed him of his will to live, but, with the help of powerful medication, he somehow finds the inner strength to amuse himself by writing meaningless prose and mindless verse. He lives in Atlanta, can’t get a date and spends his spare time watching his hair turn white.Bobhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/16135646240130640507noreply@blogger.comBlogger111125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7703473637470588291.post-57112305105519477852022-08-02T16:24:00.000-04:002022-08-02T16:24:34.036-04:00God's Waiting RoomI was thinking of the Colonnade, and it reminded me of my friend Robert's account of the one and only time we went there in 2012. Which was obviously before he died:<br><br>
So, after 30 years, I finally made it to the Colonnade, the OTHER Southern lunch place next to Mary Mac's, the principal place on Ponce where people of a certain age (born when Coolidge was President) dine in Atlanta. I am (and still am) a Mary Mac's guy, the joke is, you are either a PC guy (People of Colonnade) or a Mac guy. <br><br>
Mary Macs is colorful and funky. The Colonnade – I learned yesterday – is much of its time; I think the last time they may have tacked up wallpaper or vacuumed might have been when we were about to have NASA go to the moon. <br><br>
All this is fine; the food – fried everything, overcooked vegetables, giganticus desserts made for The Greatest Generation, who no longer have any teeth but like giant bowls of fudge-glazed, well, fudge. <br><br>
Now, my very favorite lunch pal, who has been with me for something like 20 years now, and who is as witty as Noel Coward, a talented artist, and to some extent, the guy who tortures me amusingly the best because he knows all my major and minor foibles in 1,000 ways. So, the Colonnade – you’d have to see it – is like walking into the set of the Dick Van Dyke show’s best lunch place, but Southern. Fried fish, chicken, livers, milk, green beans, fried anything. Mashed sprouts, turnips, pickles, apples, beans, anything. It’s like a Paula Deen wet dream. <br><br>
Now, Best Pal is an Atlanta lad of many years, this is good territory for him, and new territory for me. We order fried this or that, it’s very economical and strange and our waiter is fun. (My pal is fun, too – the waiter was African-American, my friend ordered his chicken, and then whispered, “I said, 'Fried Chicken, Dark Meat.' Do you think he was offended?” The stuff of dreams!) <br><br>
So, we’re eating, and there is a loon behind Best Pal, with, presumably, his mother, who looks quite like Anthony Perkin’s Mom in “Psycho,” staring into her buttermilk like she’d had a lobotomy along with one of the Kennedy kids in the 1940s. He had a laptop with him, and he started – God, literally, knows why – to list Methodist church names. My Best Pal jumps in as he goes along.<br><br>
Methodist Man (droning voice):<br><br>
Church of Christ<br><br>
Church of Faithbridge<br><br>
Church of The Harvest<br><br>
Church of Riverbridge<br><br>
Church of the Morning Star<br><br>
… and, as he goes on, Best Pal, who can hear, but can’t see what he’s up to, whispers, "Shrimp creole ..." <br><br>
Every time Church man takes a breath …<br><br>
Church of the Covenant<br><br>
Shrimp gumbo<br><br>
Church of the New Covenant<br><br>
Shrimp ka-bob<br><br>
Now, the juicy part is, every time Best Pal and I, who are in stitches with this incantatory recitation of churches v. Bubba shrimp recipes, think he’s done, no, he starts up again, and so does Best Pal.<br><br>
Church of the Woodlands … (he drones on)<br><br>
Best Pal: Pan-fried, deep-fried, stir-fried. There's pineapple shrimp, lemon shrimp, coconut shrimp, pepper shrimp, shrimp soup, shrimp stew, shrimp salad, shrimp and potatoes, shrimp burger, shrimp sandwich …<br><br>
Now, this goes on for some time, until the Droning Methodist packs up his computer, picks up the remains of his mother – and get this – dons a sombrero that looks like a 1960s cartoon, and leaves. <br><br>
It was cripplingly funny, which is an operative word, since I stood up with my cane, and suddenly looked around and realized EVERYONE in the Colonnade had a cane, unless they were in a chair, gurney, or hearse. <br><br>
We drifted out of God’s Little Waiting Room into the afternoon where the sky virtually said “come to the light!” – and went on with our day! <br><br>
A thing of beauty, but from now on, it’s Mary Mac's!<br><br>
_________<br><br>
1) No, We were not a couple. We were more like a double act in Vaudeville. We were "The Bob and Robert Show." Or, as Robert once said, "Shecky and Shaky."<br><br>
We worked together from 9:00-5:30 every day, then sat at the bar for another few hours. We knew each other's timing and could both set up a straight line and let the other one nail the punch.<br><br>
2) This might actually be the last thing of Robert's I'll ever copy edit. The guy could crank out the words, but he couldn't punctuate.
Bobhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/16135646240130640507noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7703473637470588291.post-42521900903138695262022-07-28T15:47:00.003-04:002022-07-28T15:51:02.555-04:00Robert’s Rules of Order1. Be excellent to each other.<br>
<a href=URL>https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=rph_1DODXDU</a><br><br>
2. Do not write on the walls.<br>
<a href=URL>https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=mY_PEcfx0CU</a><br><br>
3. Three is the number of the count.<br>
<a href=URL>https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=xOrgLj9lOwk</a><br><br>
4. The rules are ... there ain't no rules!<br>
<a href=URL>https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=b08DChU5qsg</a><br><br>
5. No wire hangers.<br>
<a href=URL>https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=XOILKHmZBwc</a><br><br>
6. There is no Rule Six.<br>
<a href=URL>https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=8gw1Ur62x0Q&t=1s</a><br><br>
7. No chewing gum on line.<br>
<a href=URL>https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=bcokL59jeqU</a><br><br>
8. Don't tug on Superman's cape.<br>
<a href=URL>https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=OOcCoMFpM7g</a><br><br>
9. Karate for defense only.<br>
<a href=URL>https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=gDLuQdLN5G8</a><br><br>
10. You can't put too much water in a nuclear reactor.<br>
Early SNL sketch. I can't find a link.Bobhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/16135646240130640507noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7703473637470588291.post-37807301245506769392022-07-28T14:52:00.005-04:002022-07-28T15:03:38.165-04:00"Duckhide!" and the birth of WaddlerianismBack in 1985, a group of us from Atlanta went up to a campground in Wisconsin for a week. <br>
<br>
We were in two vehicles: in a van were my friends Alan, Nild, Kim, George, and Mike. Maybe a couple of more I’ve forgotten. My friend Autumn and I were in another car, keeping in touch with the van via walkie-talkies purchased at Walmart. <br>
<br>
We drove all night, and with each stop for gas, the van people were loopier and loopier. Somewhere around Gary, Indiana, the van people had come up with the Waddlin’ song. It was sung to the tune of the Rawhide theme, but it was about ducks. <br>
<br>
By the time we got to Madison, Wisconsin, “Waddlerianism” was a full-blown religion. We even had our own schism once! <br>
<br>
The Atlanta group ended up going our different ways, but we still sing the song on the occasions we get together. <br>
<br>
Here it is, 2022, nearly 40 years later, and I had another look at the song. I fleshed it out a little. I can’t believe that in all these years nobody thought of “hell-bent for feathers.” Eh! We were young. <br>
<br>
So here’s that song: <br>
<br>
Waddlin’, waddlin’, waddlin’, <br>
Keep them duckies waddlin’, <br>
Keep them duckies waddlin’, Duckhide! <br><br>
Through fowl wind and weather, <br>
Hell-bent for feathers, <br>
Waiting with a duckling by my side. <br><br>
Waddlin’, waddlin’, waddlin’, <br>
Duckies might be dawdlin’, <br>
Keep them duckies waddlin’, Duckhide! <br>
<br>
Don't try to understand ’em, <br>
Just rope, throw and band ’em, <br>
Soon they’ll be flying high and wide! <br>
<br>
Waddlin’, waddlin’, waddlin’, <br>
Keep them duckies waddlin’, <br>
Keep them duckies waddlin’, Duckhide!Bobhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/16135646240130640507noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7703473637470588291.post-17462241657168104342022-04-02T16:23:00.010-04:002022-04-03T19:00:59.010-04:00Blow'em 2022: Part 2<p>This weekend’s Blow’em will be in the form of limericks. Everyone knows what a limerick is, but let’s go over it anyway: </p><p>A limerick is a form of verse … in five-line, predominantly anapestic trimeter with a strict rhyme scheme of AABBA, in which the first, second and fifth lines rhyme, while the third and fourth lines are shorter and share a different rhyme. </p><p>Extra points if the topic of the verse is science. </p><p>Double extra points if your limerick is in a language other than English.</p><p>If you’re having trouble getting started, here are a few lines you can riff off of:</p><p>1) The human race has one really effective weapon, and that is laughter. (Twain)<br />2) How vain it is to sit down to write when you have not stood up to live. (Thoreau)<br />3) Slang is a language that rolls up its sleeves, spits on its hands and goes to work. (Sandburg)<br />4) Wise men talk because they have something to say; fools, because they have to say something. (Plato)</p><p>Aaaaand go!</p><p>___________</p><p><b>BK</b></p><p>I'll start.</p><p>A Uyghur with a load of blue rep<br />Trod the Silk Road with a surfeit of pep.<br />To while away hours<br />He planted hundreds of flowers<br />As a way to put Spring in his Steppe.</p><p><b>Diana<br /></b>Aster, azalea, and chrysanthemum<br />Blooms of a plenty and of maximum<br />Joy he bestowed<br />On the gravel below<br />Don’t think about where the seeds had come from.</p><p><b>BK<br /></b>This trader in silk and in wool<br />Knew what to do when push came to pull;<br />He surely weren't lazy<br />When pushing up Daisy<br />And had extra seed by the handful.</p><p>__________</p><p><b>Brian<br /></b>There once stood a man from Corinth<br />Obsessed by an analogue synth<br />Just a filtered VCO, <br />Yet the hours would flow<br />As it droned on and on from its plinth.</p><p><b>Diana<br /></b>I’m not really sure of what you speak<br />But I can tell you my interest you have piqued<br />I’d like to learn more<br />Unless it’s a bore<br />And only a topic that concerns geeks.</p><p><b>Brian<br /></b>The brief bit that here I have shown<br />Has a language indeed all its own<br />Used for music it's true, <br />From engineering experiments it grew<br />Moog's among them likely of most renown.</p><p>_________</p><p><b>Diana<br /></b>Our flower, our daughter, our dear Sister Sue<br />Artist and dreamer and lover of truth<br />She walks in the rain<br />And often complains<br />Her heart has been broken but she’s learned to make do.</p><p><b>BK<br /></b>No way should our dear Sue surrender<br />To that heartbreaker, that vile pretender.<br />She should do what I do,<br />Eschew the boo-hoo<br />And go on a seven-day bender.</p><p><b>Diana<br /></b>It’s tempting, the cure you recommend<br />But it’s better to have a drink with a friend<br />So if you’re inclined<br />To poison your mind<br />This blasted sobriety we can quickly end!</p><p>__________</p><p><b>BK<br /></b>Laughter is medicine, they say,<br />That keeps melancholy at bay.<br />So, is it true or a rumor<br />That some vital humour<br />Should be injected three times a day?</p><p><b>Diana<br /></b>Injecting humor into the day<br />Is a good way to keep the blues at bay<br />But to use a syringe<br />Just makes me cringe<br />I don’t think you're using it the correct way!</p><p>__________</p><p><b>Brian<br /></b>I HAI THERE! U SEE THIZ LOLCAT<br />I AM IN UR POST IS A FACT<br />U THINK IS TRICK - IS MY LIMERICK<br />BUT THEN LIKE SNEK I ATTAC</p><p><b>Diana<br /></b>Doge coin is soaring and Grumpy cat dead<br />The cat with the lady screaming off her fool head<br />I do love a meme<br />Even though it does seem<br />That I Can Haz Cheezburger has gone to your head.</p><p>__________</p><p><b>Terry<br /></b>So this Schrodinger dude had a cat<br />As did Seuss, but his cat had a hat<br />Meanwhile I must see<br />What the vet bill will be<br />Before putting this… hey, why just a mat?</p><p>__________</p><p><b>BK<br /></b>A doughboy hunkered down in a trench,<br />Was desperate his hunger to quench.<br />He tossed back a dram,<br />Ate a forkful of Spam<br />But cursed the poor Service, damned French.</p><p>A soldier 'tween Par-ee and Berlin<br />Gave a young partisan some flowers and gin.<br />To his wanton insistence<br />She showed no Resistance<br />And now they are living in Seine.</p><p>A soldier alone and afraid<br />Said, "To hell with this chicken brigade."<br />He was looking for fun<br />In the War with the Hun<br />"I just came to France to get laid."</p><p>__________</p><p><b>Joe<br /></b>Schrödinger boxed up his cat<br />And had some mates ‘round to his flat<br />Heisenberg said,<br />“Alive and/or dead,<br />I’m really unsure about that”</p><p><b>BK<br /></b>Schrödinger peeked in his box all agog,<br />Eager to record the results in his log.<br />Despite his suspicion<br />Of superposition,<br />What he found was a dead Pavlov's dog.</p><p><b>Joe<br /></b>Pavlov kept ringing his bell<br />Trials were going quite well<br />Immersed in a pool<br />Of fresh canine drool<br />Data collection is hell</p><p><b>BK<br /></b>Pavlov was just a beginner;<br />An apéritif before dinner.<br />Not just Schrödinger's box<br />Was prone to give shocks;<br />For that we also have Skinner.</p><p>_________</p><p><b>Joe<br /></b>Young Thomas Dolby did find<br />A lass who was brilliant of mind<br />Who moved like the ocean<br />Like verse writ in motion<br />Alas, the result left him blind.</p><p>The lab coat said to the blazer,<br />“When learning to be an appraiser<br />As you and your buddies<br />Read all our studies<br />Remember to use Occam’s razor”</p><p>A frustrated pro climatologist<br />Berated a petrol apologist<br />“Your argument’s spurious<br />And I am so furious<br />You’ll need a damn good proctologist!”</p><p>__________</p><p><b>Diana<br /></b>The cloud rides a wave of soft blowing breeze<br />Drifts gently over the tops of the trees<br />Then out comes the sun<br />To ruin its fun<br />Burning away a life made of ease.</p><p>__________</p><p><b>Terry<br /></b>Johnny was a chemist<br />Johnny is no more<br />What he thought was H20<br />Was H2SO4.</p><p><b>Diana<br /></b>The solution Johnny drank made his insides burn<br />Once it started working, to go back he did yearn<br />But now he’s gone<br />To the great beyond<br />And now it is a fact that Johnny will never learn</p><p><br /></p><p>DAY TWO<br />We had a good run of science limericks last night thanks to Joe Ramsey. Let's change the topic. Extra points for literature-themed limericks.</p><p><br /></p><p><b>BK<br /></b>A man with a penchant for horror<br />Had a crow show up at his door.<br />He talked to the bird,<br />It said not a word.<br />The man was more morose than before.</p><p><b>Joe<br /></b>Big black bird perched upon Pallas<br />Croaks a word gloomy and callous<br />Man says, “Lenore?<br />I’ll see nevermore?<br />Then what shall I do with my… [chalice] ?”</p><p><b>BK<br /></b>A fellow was stuck on some isle<br />To survive by luck and by guile.<br />With his man Friday<br />And, too, God Almighty<br />He managed to be shipwrecked in style.</p><p>Gregor S. woke up a cockroach<br />Which earned him no end of reproach.<br />His visage grotesque,<br />Dare I say Kafkaesque,<br />But worse, now he has to fly coach.</p><p><b>Linda<br /></b>There once was a cloud from Nantucket <br />That brooded then shed rains in buckets.<br />We All dash Inside <br />To keep OurSelves dry <br />Whatever it takes, we say f*#% it!</p><p><b>Terry<br /></b>A difficult drunkard named Hemingway<br />Chortled not (“Keep it simple, he did say)<br />He fished, hunted, shot skeet<br />He of course ate red meat<br />And considered bullfighting a holiday.</p><p><b>Linda<br /></b>There once was a cat from Newberry <br />his tuxedo/mask/blackandwhite/hairy <br />Sure he walks kinda funny <br />It just makes me feel sunny <br />And rested and calm and aware-y</p><p><b>BK<br /></b>As the Dust Bowl did discommode<br />The family of parolee Tom Joad,<br />He said, "These grapes are all wrath<br />So you do the math<br />And let's get this show on the road."</p><p><b>Joe<br /></b>The lonely wanderer Wordsworth<br />Knew just what a cloud or a bird’s worth<br />He got lots of thrills<br />From yon daffodils<br />But never could say what a turd’s worth.</p><p>Young Beowulf had some swagger<br />He was a great boaster and bragger<br />He said to his brother,<br />“You see Grendel’s mother?<br />I’ll bet you hands down I could shag 'er!”</p><p>Lady Macbeth had a plot<br />Alas, she got what she got<br />The family dog tried<br />To not go outside<br />Making her cry, “Out, damn’d Spot!!!”</p><p><b>BK<br /></b>A gimpy old salt past his prime<br />Obsessed over a leviathan big time.<br />He called out to his crew<br />Because thar she blew,<br />And they all had a whale of a time.</p><p><br /></p><p>DAY THREE<br />Literature is working, but let's expand the theme to include history, as well.</p><p><b>Joe<br /></b>Attila the Hun threw his sandal<br />In fact he flew right off the handle.<br />“I’ll make a dread broth<br />From the bones of the Goths,<br />For my horse was spray-painted by Vandals!”</p><p>A Viking explorer named Leif<br />Crossed paths with a Newfoundland chief<br />Leif’s mouth was agape<br />At all the wild grapes<br />“I’ll call it Vinland in my brief”</p><p>Marie Antoinette laid in bed<br />As mobs down below chanted, “Bread!”<br />“Such noise they all make!<br />Why don’t they eat cake?<br />She muttered and soon lost her head.</p><p>An edict, in blistering terms<br />With plenty of Drangs und some Sturms<br />Directed at Luther<br />Grew quite uncouther<br />And said, “eat this Diet of Worms!”</p><p><b>BK<br /></b>Not one to orate to excess,<br />Lincoln spoke modestly, but with finesse.<br />"And if you so choose<br />To make known your reviews,<br />Have them sent to my Gettysburg Address."</p><p>She'd have been a great unknown unless<br />She could make an element fluoresce.<br />Marie, ever Curie-ous,<br />Found her discovery injurious,<br />And retired to bask in the glow of success.</p><p>A captain and all-'round bad guy<br />Made rules crew could not abide by.<br />Retribution was swift,<br />Mutineers set him adrift,<br />And laughed as they waved him bye-Bligh.</p><p>If I can say this in words anapest ...<br />Lewis and Clark set off on a quest<br />To reach the far coast,<br />And raise a French toast:<br />Their Destiny clearly Manifest.</p><p><br /></p>Bobhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/16135646240130640507noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7703473637470588291.post-60263027272214742812022-03-27T18:54:00.002-04:002022-04-02T16:24:23.610-04:00Blow'em 2022: Part 1<p><span style="color: #050505;">Well, it’s time for another Blow’em*. We haven’t done this in years!</span></p><p><span style="color: #050505;">Tonight’s Blow’em will be in Common Meter.</span></p><p><span style="color: #050505;">Common Meter consists of four lines which alternate between iambic tetrameter (four feet per line, with each foot consisting of an unstressed syllable followed by a stressed syllable) and iambic trimeter (three feet per line, with each foot consisting of an unstressed syllable followed by a stressed syllable), rhyming in the pattern a-b-a-b.</span></p><p><span style="color: #050505;">For example:</span></p><p><span style="color: #050505;">I turn to you, my Facebook friends<br /></span><span style="color: #050505;">To join me at my game.<br /></span><span style="color: #050505;">Combined, our talent knows no end.<br /></span><span style="color: #050505;">Sometimes that is a shame.</span></p><p><span style="color: #050505;">So tell me what you’ve done today.<br /></span><span style="color: #050505;">With whom did you converse?<br /></span><span style="color: #050505;">Tell what you did at work or play<br /></span><span style="color: #050505;">Both pleasant and perverse.</span></p><p><span style="color: #050505;">Still don’t get the hang of it? Sing it to the tune of “Amazing Grace” or “The Ballad of Gilligan’s Island.” You’ll catch on.</span></p><p><span style="color: #050505;">*Blow’em: (n.) A Blog Poem of collective authorship conceived in 2009.</span></p><p><br /></p><p><span style="color: #050505;"><b>BK<br /></b></span><span style="color: #050505;">Some friends of mine too young before<br /></span><span style="color: #050505;">To know about MySpace<br /></span><span style="color: #050505;">Might feel this is a frightful chore;<br /></span><span style="color: #050505;">They’re not that far off base.</span></p><p><span style="color: #050505;">But come on in, the water’s fine!<br /></span><span style="color: #050505;">Let’s see what words you’ve got;<br /></span><span style="color: #050505;">This is the chance for you to shine …<br /></span><span style="color: #050505;">Is your brain tied in a knot?</span></p><p><span style="color: #050505;"><b>Linda<br /></b></span><span style="color: #050505;">I'll drag a phrase across the page<br /></span><span style="color: #050505;">Attempting to be sporting<br /></span><span style="color: #050505;">I'm not too sharp on this fine eve<br /></span><span style="color: #050505;">My mind is out cavorting</span></p><p><span style="color: #050505;"><b>Magnolia<br /></b></span><span style="color: #050505;">My Facebook page has been restricted<br /></span><span style="color: #050505;">Because I was a naughty girl<br /></span><span style="color: #050505;">The Facebook Judges had convicted<br /></span><span style="color: #050505;">So let’s give this new page a little whirl</span></p><p><span style="color: #050505;">Today I was a couch potato<br /></span><span style="color: #050505;">Practiced Spanish, played some games<br /></span><span style="color: #050505;">Ate my weight in barbeque slow smoke<br /></span><span style="color: #050505;">And can only move via crane.</span></p><p><span style="color: #050505;"><b>Brian<br /></b></span><span style="color: #050505;">My Saturday's been nondescript,<br /></span><span style="color: #050505;">But boring? Never fear!<br /></span><span style="color: #050505;">The week was plenty exciting<br /></span><span style="color: #050505;">That morning I hit a deer.</span></p><p><span style="color: #050505;"><b>BK<br /></b></span><span style="color: #050505;">You saw a deer in all its splendor<br /></span><span style="color: #050505;">And you put your car in gear;<br /></span><span style="color: #050505;">Then that deer was on your fender<br /></span><span style="color: #050505;">Because the buck stops here.</span></p><p><span style="color: #050505;">Or did you hope to miss the thing<br /></span><span style="color: #050505;">And try your best to swerve?<br /></span><span style="color: #050505;">You yielded to the rights of Spring …<br /></span><span style="color: #050505;">I’ll bet that struck a nerve.</span></p><p><span style="color: #050505;"><b>Brian<br /></b></span><span style="color: #050505;">In fact, the beast had other friends,<br /></span><span style="color: #050505;">As four did interrupt my drive<br /></span><span style="color: #050505;">Haha! I thought! I'd dodged the lot!<br /></span><span style="color: #050505;">Then up sprang number five.</span></p><p><span style="color: #050505;"><b>Linda<br /></b></span><span style="color: #050505;">The bacchanal is in full swing<br /></span><span style="color: #050505;">Conscripting to the verve<br /></span><span style="color: #050505;">And even at our widest fling<br /></span><span style="color: #050505;">Connecting with the serve</span></p><p><span style="color: #050505;"><b>BK<br /></b></span><span style="color: #050505;">The bacchanale is all we’ve got,<br /></span><span style="color: #050505;">Or so it sometimes seems.<br /></span><span style="color: #050505;">But I don’t think it’s all for naught,<br /></span><span style="color: #050505;">I’ll settle for extremes.</span></p><p><span style="color: #050505;"><b>Alan<br /></b></span><span style="color: #050505;">You’re way better at this sort of thing<br /></span><span style="color: #050505;">Than Terry or than I<br /></span><span style="color: #050505;">But better to pen a bit of rhyme<br /></span><span style="color: #050505;">Than have ketchup in the eye</span></p><p><span style="color: #050505;"><b>BK<br /></b></span><span style="color: #050505;">I’m glad you’ve joined us at our play<br /></span><span style="color: #050505;">Although it’s after dark;<br /></span><span style="color: #050505;">And as you know keeping ants at bay<br /></span><span style="color: #050505;">Is definitely aardvark.</span></p><p><span style="color: #050505;"><b>Terry<br /></b></span><span style="color: #050505;">Our card game hadn’t gone down well<br /></span><span style="color: #050505;">When I reached to move my rook,<br /></span><span style="color: #050505;">O puddledegook and what fell hell<br /></span><span style="color: #050505;">This line goes snippitysnook</span></p><p><span style="color: #050505;">But many a many a year ago<br /></span><span style="color: #050505;">In a kingdom by the sea<br /></span><span style="color: #050505;">A girl there lived who you now know<br /></span><span style="color: #050505;">And back then that girl was me</span></p><p><span style="color: #050505;"><b>BK<br /></b></span><span style="color: #050505;">That Carroll, he spoke Jabberwack,<br /></span><span style="color: #050505;">Face twisted with a sneer;<br /></span><span style="color: #050505;">Withal he came galumphing back<br /></span><span style="color: #050505;">But did so with a Lear.</span></p><p><span style="color: #050505;"><b>BK<br /></b></span><span style="color: #050505;">I must be shuffling off to bed<br /></span><span style="color: #050505;">Because my mind is toast.<br /></span><span style="color: #050505;">But y’all keep going in my stead;<br /></span><span style="color: #050505;">It’s up to you, West Coast!</span></p><p><span style="color: #050505;"><b>BK<br /></b></span><span style="color: #050505;">We have another day to go<br /></span><span style="color: #050505;">To see our wit laid bare;<br /></span><span style="color: #050505;">And be it though pretend or faux,<br /></span><span style="color: #050505;">It’s none of my affair.</span></p><p><span style="color: #050505;"><b>Magnolia<br /></b></span><span style="color: #050505;">Another Sunday full of chores<br /></span><span style="color: #050505;">but it can go to heck<br /></span><span style="color: #050505;">I'd rather lounge forevermore<br /></span><span style="color: #050505;">And watch episodes of Star Trek</span></p><p><span style="color: #050505;"><b>BK<br /></b></span><span style="color: #050505;">To sit right back and watch some Trek,<br /></span><span style="color: #050505;">That is a noble goal;<br /></span><span style="color: #050505;">And though it’s cheesy and low-tech<br /></span><span style="color: #050505;">It soothes my tortured soul.</span></p><p><span style="color: #050505;"><b>Linda 2<br /></b></span><span style="color: #050505;">Twas chilly on this Sunday morn <br /></span><span style="color: #050505;">which thrilled me to the core <br /></span><span style="color: #050505;">tho spring has sprung, the sun reborn <br /></span><span style="color: #050505;">I dread what is in store </span></p><p><span style="color: #050505;">Not long till temps are in the red <br /></span><span style="color: #050505;">Drenched in humidity <br /></span><span style="color: #050505;">“You'll acclimate” they always said <br /></span><span style="color: #050505;">As I sweat in misery </span></p><p><span style="color: #050505;">So now I type onto a screen <br /></span><span style="color: #050505;">my offering of Blow-em <br /></span><span style="color: #050505;">So now on Facebook to be seen <br /></span><span style="color: #050505;">my silly little poem</span></p><p><span style="color: #050505;"><b>Terry</b><br /></span><span style="color: #050505;">This meter, as its name implies,<br /></span><span style="color: #050505;">Is commoner than bread.<br /></span><span style="color: #050505;">Internal rhymes are used at times,<br /></span><span style="color: #050505;">And some rhymes are stilt-ED. (Ted? Where's Ted?)</span></p><p><span style="color: #050505;"><br /></span></p><p><br /></p>Bobhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/16135646240130640507noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7703473637470588291.post-42546581802362346002015-10-18T11:18:00.000-04:002015-10-18T11:18:27.002-04:00The Ballad of Daisy Crockett<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: 0.0001pt;">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif";">He
was born on a mountaintop and so was she,<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: 0.0001pt;">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif";">Scrappiest
gal you could ever hope to see,<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: 0.0001pt;">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif";">He kilt
him a b'ar and so did she,<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: 0.0001pt;">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif";">He
was like cheddar, and she was like brie.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: 0.0001pt;">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif";">Daisy,
Daisy Crockett, queen of the mild frontier.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: 0.0001pt;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: 0.0001pt;">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif";">He
wore a coonskin, and she wore squirrel,<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: 0.0001pt;">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif";">But
hers was alive, she was that kind of girl,<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: 0.0001pt;">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif";">Ever'
word she spoke was diamond and pearl<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: 0.0001pt;">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif";">And
if she'd never done it, she'd give it a whirl!<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: 0.0001pt;">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif";">Daisy,
Daisy Crockett, queen of the mild frontier.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: 0.0001pt;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: 0.0001pt;">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif";">He
fought with the Injuns and she did, too,<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: 0.0001pt;">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif";">He
whipped the Creeks and she whipped the Sioux<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: 0.0001pt;">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif";">A
big misunderstanding, a day they'd rue,<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: 0.0001pt;">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif";">She's
a Boone to mankind, but she Fessed up, too.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: 0.0001pt;">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif";">Daisy,
Daisy Crockett, queen of the mild frontier.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: 0.0001pt;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: 0.0001pt;">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif";">She
wore fancy nylons to ride the range,<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: 0.0001pt;">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif";">He
wore buckskin, they both sound strange,<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: 0.0001pt;">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif";">Shouldn't
he ride a horse and she take the stage?<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: 0.0001pt;">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif";">The
cowboys thought so, and she was all the rage.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: 0.0001pt;">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif";">Daisy,
Daisy Crockett, queen of the mild frontier.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: 0.0001pt;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: 0.0001pt;">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif";">That
day finally come when they was wed,<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: 0.0001pt;">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif";">They
settled down on their honeymoon bed;<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: 0.0001pt;">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif";">"Let's
have us some chillun," Daisy said,<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: 0.0001pt;">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif";">He
knew what she meant and commenced blushing red.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: 0.0001pt;">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif";">Daisy,
Daisy Crockett, queen of the mild frontier.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: 0.0001pt;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: 0.0001pt;">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif";">She
moved down to Texas with her new beau,<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: 0.0001pt;">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif";">Moved
just across the border from Mexico;<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: 0.0001pt;">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif";">Up
come Santa Anna and he had to go,<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: 0.0001pt;">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif";">"Just
remember gal, we had the Al-a-mo."<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: 0.0001pt;">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif";">Daisy,
Daisy Crockett, queen of the mild frontier.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: 0.0001pt;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: 0.0001pt;">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif";">So
Daisy was a widow at twenty-four,<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: 0.0001pt;">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif";">But
she was a woman, you should hear her roar!<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: 0.0001pt;">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif";">She's
the kind of woman cowpokes adore,<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: 0.0001pt;">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif";">She'll
take your six shooter and come back for more.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: 0.0001pt;">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif";">Daisy,
Daisy Crockett, queen of the mild frontier.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: 0.0001pt;">
<i><span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif";">Daisy, Daisy Crockett, queen of
the mild frontier.<o:p></o:p></span></i></div>
Bobhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/16135646240130640507noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7703473637470588291.post-66423208077043847062011-05-18T08:41:00.002-04:002011-06-17T14:53:18.760-04:00Miss Me, Scooter ... Please!<span style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS", sans-serif;"><em>(Sung to the tune of "Eating Goober Peas.")</em></span><br />
<br />
<br />
Possum by the roadside on a Summer's day.<br />
Started to go walking, couldn't find his way.<br />
A motor bike came rushing; there was no time to flee,<br />
All he could do was close his eyes and raise his voice and plea:<br />
<br />
Please, please, please, please<br />
Miss me, scooter, please!<br />
Don't be so capricious,<br />
Miss me, scooter, please!<br />
<br />
Little possums watching, just got out of school;<br />
Saw the scooter rushing, knew it wasn't cool.<br />
"Ma!" one of them shouted, what's next was all a blur ...<br />
That's right -- that great big possum was not a him, but her.<br />
<br />
Please, please, please, please<br />
Miss them, scooter, please!<br />
Spare my children precious,<br />
Miss them, scooter, please!<br />
<br />
The bike it swerved and sped on past, possum mopped her brow.<br />
All were as safe and sound as the traffic would allow.<br />
I know it just sounds awesome, you'd think it would appease.<br />
But, still they all played possum -- that was their expertise.<br />
<br />
Please, please, please, please<br />
Miss us, scooter, please!<br />
The rider was judicious<br />
And missed them all with ease.<br />
<br />
But for certain changes, this story's real enough.<br />
I'd never stand before you and sing a line of guff.<br />
But still there is one fact I suppose I should confide …<br />
I didn't swerve in time, and Mrs. Possum died.<br />
<br />
Please, please, please, please<br />
Miss me, scooter, please!<br />
But, possum is nutritious<br />
She's still in my deep freeze.<br />
<em>Yes, possum is delicious …</em><br />
<em>she's still in my deep freeze!</em>Bobhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/16135646240130640507noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7703473637470588291.post-40248325165288413072010-11-18T19:16:00.003-05:002011-11-16T19:45:57.909-05:00The Bear Truth<div style="font-family: Verdana,sans-serif;"><span style="font-size: small;">I've never seen Gummi Bears in the wood,</span></div><div style="font-family: Verdana,sans-serif;"><span style="font-size: small;">But I like to eat them because they’re so good.</span></div><div style="font-family: Verdana,sans-serif;"><span style="font-size: small;">I like the reds and the orange, the greens and the yellows,</span></div><div style="font-family: Verdana,sans-serif;"><span style="font-size: small;">I love to chew on those sweet little fellows!</span></div><div style="font-family: Verdana,sans-serif;"><span style="font-size: small;">I like the way that they stick to your teeth,</span></div><div style="font-family: Verdana,sans-serif;"><span style="font-size: small;">The ones on the top and the ones down beneath.</span></div><div style="font-family: Verdana,sans-serif;"><span style="font-size: small;">You may think Gummi Bears without merit,</span></div><div style="font-family: Verdana,sans-serif;"><span style="font-size: small;">Not I, by gum ... I just grin and bare it.</span></div><br />
Bobhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/16135646240130640507noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7703473637470588291.post-4145206152692299762010-09-25T18:19:00.001-04:002010-10-01T18:34:40.357-04:00Another Saturday Night<div style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS",sans-serif;"><span style="font-size: small;"></span> </div><div style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS",sans-serif; margin: 0in 0in 0.0001pt;"><span style="font-size: small;">Let’s do tonight’s Blow’em in Common Meter again. We had so much fun last time.</span></div><div style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS",sans-serif; margin: 0in 0in 0.0001pt;"><span style="font-size: small;"><br />
</span></div><div style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS",sans-serif; margin: 0in 0in 0.0001pt;"><span style="font-size: small;">For example:</span></div><div style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS",sans-serif; margin: 0in 0in 0.0001pt;"><span style="font-size: small;"><br />
</span></div><div style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS",sans-serif; margin: 0in 0in 0.0001pt;"><span style="font-size: small;">I can think of no way better</span></div><div style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS",sans-serif; margin: 0in 0in 0.0001pt;"><span style="font-size: small;">To waste a boring night</span></div><div style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS",sans-serif; margin: 0in 0in 0.0001pt;"><span style="font-size: small;">Than cast off the chains that fetter,</span></div><div style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS",sans-serif; margin: 0in 0in 0.0001pt;"><span style="font-size: small;">Unleash my brain and write.</span></div><div style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS",sans-serif; margin: 0in 0in 0.0001pt;"><span style="font-size: small;"><br />
</span></div><div style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS",sans-serif; margin: 0in 0in 0.0001pt;"><span style="font-size: small;">I turn to you, my Facebook friends</span></div><div style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS",sans-serif; margin: 0in 0in 0.0001pt;"><span style="font-size: small;">To join me at my game.</span></div><div style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS",sans-serif; margin: 0in 0in 0.0001pt;"><span style="font-size: small;">Combined, our talent knows no end.</span></div><div style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS",sans-serif; margin: 0in 0in 0.0001pt;"><span style="font-size: small;">Sometimes that is a shame.</span></div><div style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS",sans-serif; margin: 0in 0in 0.0001pt;"><span style="font-size: small;"><br />
</span></div><div style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS",sans-serif; margin: 0in 0in 0.0001pt;"><span style="font-size: small;">So tell me what you’ve done today.</span></div><div style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS",sans-serif; margin: 0in 0in 0.0001pt;"><span style="font-size: small;">With whom did you converse?</span></div><div style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS",sans-serif; margin: 0in 0in 0.0001pt;"><span style="font-size: small;">Tell what you did at work or play</span></div><div style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS",sans-serif; margin: 0in 0in 0.0001pt;"><span style="font-size: small;">Both pleasant and perverse.</span></div><div style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS",sans-serif; margin: 0in 0in 0.0001pt;"><span style="font-size: small;"> </span></div><div style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS",sans-serif; margin: 0in 0in 0.0001pt;"><span style="font-size: small;"><br />
</span></div><div style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS",sans-serif; margin: 0in 0in 0.0001pt;"><span style="font-size: small;">***</span></div><div style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS",sans-serif; margin: 0in 0in 0.0001pt;"><span style="font-size: small;"><br />
</span></div><div style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS",sans-serif; margin: 0in 0in 0.0001pt;"><span style="font-size: small;"><b>Bob</b></span></div><div style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS",sans-serif; margin: 0in 0in 0.0001pt;"><span style="font-size: small;">I know I’m not the only one</span></div><div style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS",sans-serif; margin: 0in 0in 0.0001pt;"><span style="font-size: small;">Alone this rainy night.</span></div><div style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS",sans-serif; margin: 0in 0in 0.0001pt;"><span style="font-size: small;">It’s only Ten! We’ve just begun!</span></div><div style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS",sans-serif; margin: 0in 0in 0.0001pt;"><span style="font-size: small;">Won’t someone join this fight?</span></div><div style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS",sans-serif; margin: 0in 0in 0.0001pt;"><span style="font-size: small;"><br />
</span></div><div style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS",sans-serif; margin: 0in 0in 0.0001pt;"><span style="font-size: small;">***</span></div><div style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS",sans-serif; margin: 0in 0in 0.0001pt;"><span style="font-size: small;"><br />
</span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS",sans-serif; line-height: normal; margin-bottom: 0.0001pt;"><span style="font-size: small;"><b>Linda</b></span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS",sans-serif; line-height: normal; margin-bottom: 0.0001pt;"><span style="font-size: small;">I had to work this Saturday<br />
Yet it helped to pay the bills<br />
I hauled and swept and scrubbed for pay<br />
and had money left for swill<br />
<br />
... I oft times get what I need these days<br />
And I strive to gracious be ....<br />
There are so many times and so many ways<br />
To my own Self ... Be Free!<br />
<br />
Stuff still goes wrong, I will admit<br />
Perfection isn’t gained ....<br />
Letting go of all the bull#%@&...<br />
is all that true remains ...<br />
</span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS",sans-serif;"><span style="font-size: small;"><br />
</span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS",sans-serif; line-height: normal; margin-bottom: 0.0001pt;"><span style="font-size: small;">I wish that this were funnier<br />
I’m usually good for that<br />
please make this stream more sunnier<br />
no split, but much more splat …</span></div><div style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS",sans-serif; margin: 0in 0in 0.0001pt;"><span style="font-size: small;"><br />
</span></div><div style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS",sans-serif; margin: 0in 0in 0.0001pt;"><span style="font-size: small;">***</span></div><div style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS",sans-serif; margin: 0in 0in 0.0001pt;"><span style="font-size: small;"><br />
</span></div><div style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS",sans-serif; margin: 0in 0in 0.0001pt;"><span style="font-size: small;"><b>Bob</b></span></div><div style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS",sans-serif; margin: 0in 0in 0.0001pt;"><span style="font-size: small;">I am so glad you did drop in.</span></div><div style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS",sans-serif; margin: 0in 0in 0.0001pt;"><span style="font-size: small;">I was feeling lonely.</span></div><div style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS",sans-serif; margin: 0in 0in 0.0001pt;"><span style="font-size: small;">I thought I’d have to race sloe gin</span></div><div style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS",sans-serif; margin: 0in 0in 0.0001pt;"><span style="font-size: small;">But now I pace you only.</span></div><div style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS",sans-serif; margin: 0in 0in 0.0001pt;"><span style="font-size: small;"><br />
</span></div><div style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS",sans-serif; margin: 0in 0in 0.0001pt;"><span style="font-size: small;">Things go wrong? It must be so!</span></div><div style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS",sans-serif; margin: 0in 0in 0.0001pt;"><span style="font-size: small;">Your nerves, they must be frayed!</span></div><div style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS",sans-serif; margin: 0in 0in 0.0001pt;"><span style="font-size: small;">The owl’s hoot portends times of woe.</span></div><div style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS",sans-serif; margin: 0in 0in 0.0001pt;"><span style="font-size: small;">Mercury in retrograde.</span></div><div style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS",sans-serif; margin: 0in 0in 0.0001pt;"><span style="font-size: small;"><br />
</span></div><div style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS",sans-serif; margin: 0in 0in 0.0001pt;"><span style="font-size: small;">***</span></div><div style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS",sans-serif; margin: 0in 0in 0.0001pt;"><span style="font-size: small;"><br />
</span></div><div style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS",sans-serif; margin: 0in 0in 0.0001pt;"><span style="font-size: small;"><b>Linda</b></span></div><div style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS",sans-serif; margin: 0in 0in 0.0001pt;"><span style="font-size: small;">April should get a nice gold star<br />
for reading and at least trying<br />
we all know she surpasses the bar<br />
of her weariness, she ain’t lying …</span></div><div style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS",sans-serif; margin: 0in 0in 0.0001pt;"><span style="font-size: small;"><br />
</span></div><div style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS",sans-serif; margin: 0in 0in 0.0001pt;"><span style="font-size: small;">***</span></div><div style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS",sans-serif; margin: 0in 0in 0.0001pt;"><span style="font-size: small;"><br />
</span></div><div style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS",sans-serif; margin: 0in 0in 0.0001pt;"><span style="font-size: small;"><b>Bob</b></span></div><div style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS",sans-serif; margin: 0in 0in 0.0001pt;"><span style="font-size: small;">I have known April a few years</span></div><div style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS",sans-serif; margin: 0in 0in 0.0001pt;"><span style="font-size: small;">She always gets a star.</span></div><div style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS",sans-serif; margin: 0in 0in 0.0001pt;"><span style="font-size: small;">Shame on me, I’m in arrears</span></div><div style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS",sans-serif; margin: 0in 0in 0.0001pt;"><span style="font-size: small;">I know she is bizarre.</span></div><div style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS",sans-serif; margin: 0in 0in 0.0001pt;"><span style="font-size: small;"><br />
</span></div><div style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS",sans-serif; margin: 0in 0in 0.0001pt;"><span style="font-size: small;">***</span></div><div style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS",sans-serif; margin: 0in 0in 0.0001pt;"><span style="font-size: small;"><br />
</span></div><div style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS",sans-serif; margin: 0in 0in 0.0001pt;"><span style="font-size: small;"><b>George</b></span></div><div style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS",sans-serif; margin: 0in 0in 0.0001pt;"><span style="font-size: small;">My brain is dead, i must confess<br />
for i can think of naught.<br />
My rhymes are such a sorry mess<br />
this one, on line, i bought.</span></div><div style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS",sans-serif; margin: 0in 0in 0.0001pt;"><span style="font-size: small;"><br />
</span></div><div style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS",sans-serif; margin: 0in 0in 0.0001pt;"><span style="font-size: small;">***</span></div><div style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS",sans-serif;"><span style="font-size: small;"><b><span style="line-height: 115%;"> </span></b></span> </div><div class="MsoNormal" style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS",sans-serif;"><span style="font-size: small;"><br />
</span></div><div style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS",sans-serif; margin: 0in 0in 0.0001pt;"><span style="font-size: small;"><b>Bob</b></span></div><div style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS",sans-serif; margin: 0in 0in 0.0001pt;"><span style="font-size: small;">The brain you bought will have to do</span></div><div style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS",sans-serif; margin: 0in 0in 0.0001pt;"><span style="font-size: small;">To keep your thoughts on track. … </span></div><div style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS",sans-serif; margin: 0in 0in 0.0001pt;"><span style="font-size: small;"><br />
</span></div><div style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS",sans-serif; margin: 0in 0in 0.0001pt;"><span style="font-size: small;">... My brain, it wandered. Oooh!</span></div><div style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS",sans-serif; margin: 0in 0in 0.0001pt;"><span style="font-size: small;">I think I’m going to yak.</span></div><div style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS",sans-serif; margin: 0in 0in 0.0001pt;"><span style="font-size: small;"></span></div><div style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS",sans-serif; margin: 0in 0in 0.0001pt;"><span style="font-size: small;"><br />
</span></div><div style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS",sans-serif; margin: 0in 0in 0.0001pt;"><span style="font-size: small;">***</span></div><div style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS",sans-serif; margin: 0in 0in 0.0001pt;"><span style="font-size: small;"><br />
</span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS",sans-serif; line-height: normal; margin-bottom: 0.0001pt;"><span style="font-size: small;"><b>George</b></span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS",sans-serif; line-height: normal; margin-bottom: 0.0001pt;"><span style="font-size: small;">don’t worry if you go off track<br />
or sticking to the thread.<br />
But, i’m glad you didn’t yak<br />
Your ’puter keys don’t need to be fed.<br />
<br />
...(and, yeah, i know the rhythm’s off<br />
just had to quickly say it.<br />
and now i started this stupid throw off<br />
and can’t finish it for ... )</span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS",sans-serif; line-height: normal; margin-bottom: 0.0001pt;"><span style="font-size: small;"><br />
</span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS",sans-serif; line-height: normal; margin-bottom: 0.0001pt;"><span style="font-size: small;">***</span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS",sans-serif; line-height: normal; margin-bottom: 0.0001pt;"><span style="font-size: small;"><br />
</span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS",sans-serif; line-height: normal; margin-bottom: 0.0001pt;"><span style="font-size: small;"><b>Bob </b></span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS",sans-serif; line-height: normal; margin-bottom: 0.0001pt;"><span style="font-size: small;">blah blah blah blah<br />
something about sheep<br />
Blah blah blah blah<br />
I’m a gonna sleep.</span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS",sans-serif; line-height: normal; margin-bottom: 0.0001pt;"><span style="font-size: small;"><br />
</span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS",sans-serif; line-height: normal; margin-bottom: 0.0001pt;"><span style="font-size: small;">***</span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS",sans-serif; line-height: normal; margin-bottom: 0.0001pt;"><span style="font-size: small;"><br />
</span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS",sans-serif; line-height: normal; margin-bottom: 0.0001pt;"><span style="font-size: small;"><b>George</b></span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS",sans-serif; line-height: normal; margin-bottom: 0.0001pt;"><span style="font-size: small;">You must not quit now, Good Sir,<br />
Since I’ve just joined the fray.<br />
Alas, I fear he’s gone to sleep.<br />
Shhhh, we’ll play another day.</span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS",sans-serif; line-height: normal; margin-bottom: 0.0001pt;"><span style="font-size: small;"><br />
</span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS",sans-serif; line-height: normal; margin-bottom: 0.0001pt;"><span style="font-size: small;">***</span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS",sans-serif; line-height: normal; margin-bottom: 0.0001pt;"><span style="font-size: small;"><br />
</span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS",sans-serif; line-height: normal; margin-bottom: 0.0001pt;"><span style="font-size: small;"><b>Bob</b></span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS",sans-serif; line-height: normal; margin-bottom: 0.0001pt;"><span style="font-size: small;">Here we go, I’m awake again.<br />
Let’s start where we left off.<br />
We’ll give this thing another spin<br />
And let the scoffers … scoff.</span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS",sans-serif; line-height: normal; margin-bottom: 0.0001pt;"><span style="font-size: small;"><br />
</span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS",sans-serif; line-height: normal; margin-bottom: 0.0001pt;"><span style="font-size: small;">***</span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS",sans-serif; line-height: normal; margin-bottom: 0.0001pt;"><span style="font-size: small;"><br />
</span></div><div style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS",sans-serif;"><span style="font-size: small;"><b><span style="line-height: 115%;"><br clear="all" style="page-break-before: always;" /> </span></b></span> </div><div class="MsoNormal" style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS",sans-serif;"><span style="font-size: small;"><br />
</span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS",sans-serif; line-height: normal; margin-bottom: 0.0001pt;"><span style="font-size: small;"><b>Keith</b></span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS",sans-serif; line-height: normal; margin-bottom: 0.0001pt;"><span style="font-size: small;">i guess i have arrived in time <br />
to join this good pursuit.<br />
i’m glad for that, i’m here to rhyme.<br />
Too bad we won’t get loot.</span></div><div style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS",sans-serif; margin: 0in 0in 0.0001pt;"><span style="font-size: small;"><br />
</span></div><div style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS",sans-serif; margin: 0in 0in 0.0001pt;"><span style="font-size: small;">***</span></div><div style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS",sans-serif; margin: 0in 0in 0.0001pt;"><span style="font-size: small;"><br />
</span></div><div style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS",sans-serif; margin: 0in 0in 0.0001pt;"><span style="font-size: small;"><b>George</b></span></div><div style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS",sans-serif; margin: 0in 0in 0.0001pt;"><span style="font-size: small;">You won’t get loot, i’m sad to say<br />
but you get bragging rights<br />
And if you have a horn to toot<br />
That would be out-a-sight.</span></div><div style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS",sans-serif; margin: 0in 0in 0.0001pt;"><span style="font-size: small;"><br />
</span></div><div style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS",sans-serif; margin: 0in 0in 0.0001pt;"><span style="font-size: small;">***</span></div><div style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS",sans-serif; margin: 0in 0in 0.0001pt;"><span style="font-size: small;"><br />
</span></div><div style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS",sans-serif; margin: 0in 0in 0.0001pt;"><span style="font-size: small;"><b>Keith</b></span></div><div style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS",sans-serif; margin: 0in 0in 0.0001pt;"><span style="font-size: small;">Of brass, no horn i have, i fear,<br />
i never learned that skill.<br />
But what have i for the world to hear?<br />
On kazoo, i’m told i kill.</span></div><div style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS",sans-serif; margin: 0in 0in 0.0001pt;"><span style="font-size: small;"><br />
</span></div><div style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS",sans-serif; margin: 0in 0in 0.0001pt;"><span style="font-size: small;"><br />
</span></div><div style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS",sans-serif; margin: 0in 0in 0.0001pt;"><span style="font-size: small;">***</span></div><div style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS",sans-serif; margin: 0in 0in 0.0001pt;"><span style="font-size: small;"><br />
</span></div><div style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS",sans-serif; margin: 0in 0in 0.0001pt;"><span style="font-size: small;"><b>Bob</b></span></div><div style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS",sans-serif; margin: 0in 0in 0.0001pt;"><span style="font-size: small;">And kill you do, my little friend</span></div><div style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS",sans-serif; margin: 0in 0in 0.0001pt;"><span style="font-size: small;">No matter what you toot.</span></div><div style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS",sans-serif; margin: 0in 0in 0.0001pt;"><span style="font-size: small;">This stupid verse you do transcend</span></div><div style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS",sans-serif; margin: 0in 0in 0.0001pt;"><span style="font-size: small;">Your rhymes are quite astute.</span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS",sans-serif; margin-bottom: 0.0001pt;"><span style="font-size: small;"><br />
</span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS",sans-serif; margin-bottom: 0.0001pt;"><span style="font-size: small;"><br />
</span></div>Bobhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/16135646240130640507noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7703473637470588291.post-26255823039001826952010-07-12T14:59:00.003-04:002010-07-12T16:08:56.018-04:00Meter Made In Heaven<span style="font-size: small;">Well, it’s time for another Blow’em*. Everybody is welcome to play. Everybody who does play has his or her name added to the official “List of People Who Have Participated in Blow’ems,” and will be tagged in all future Blow’ems.<br />
<br />
Tonight’s Blow’em will be in Common Meter.<br />
<br />
Common Meter consists of four lines which alternate between iambic tetrameter (four feet per line, with each foot consisting of an unstressed syllable followed by a stressed syllable) and iambic trimeter (three feet per line, with each foot consisting of an unstressed syllable followed by a stressed syllable), rhyming in the pattern a-b-a-b.<br />
<br />
For example:<br />
<br />
I’m bored right now, be sure of that, <br />
It is my Sunday curse.<br />
Let’s write some stuff, ennui combat<br />
And waste some time with verse.<br />
<br />
It’s not real great, but it is fun …<br />
It beats a good swift kick.<br />
Lay on, MacDuff, we’ve just begun<br />
So, come on make it quick!<br />
<br />
Still don’t get the hang of it? Sing it to the tune of “Amazing Grace” or “The Ballad of Gilligan’s Island.” You’ll catch on.<br />
<br />
<br />
*Blow’em: (n.) A Blog Poem of collective authorship conceived in 2009.<br />
<br />
______<br />
<br />
<b>Linda G.</b><br />
General Malaise addressed the troops<br />
for they were in a funk<br />
At ease he said, for he was looped<br />
Come on, let’s all get drunk!<br />
<br />
<b>Linda G.</b><br />
Amazing Blow’em, how sweet the sound<br />
That saved a wretch like me<br />
I once was bored but now have found<br />
this meter sets me free!<br />
<br />
<b>Bob</b><br />
And drunk the soldiers all became<br />
And even drunker still.<br />
On gin or rum ’twas all the same – <br />
The gen’ral paid the bill.<br />
<br />
It’s not true what they always say<br />
Ah! It makes me shiver.<br />
A stomach’s not the Army’s way,<br />
It travels on its liver!<br />
<br />
(I know! You’re right! This is some fun –<br />
I feel like I have wings!<br />
We’ve got the doldrums on the run<br />
With cabbages and kings!)<br />
<br />
<b>George</b><br />
i cannot fathom the point of it all,<br />
this poetry galore<br />
and i think you have some gall<br />
to make our brains so sore.<br />
<br />
But, somehow this game intrigues<br />
my funked out head, indeed<br />
though i confess to being fatigued<br />
i’ll drink and take no heed.<br />
<br />
For drinking is my bestest friend<br />
my dear olde, bosom pal<br />
My woes and strife he does attend<br />
and ever more he shall. <br />
<br />
The writing is going down<br />
to that i must confess<br />
so i’ll lay here upon the ground<br />
in this (warm) pile of my own mess.<br />
<br />
<b>Linda G.</b><br />
By George, I think we’ve got it now<br />
and so we raise a toast<br />
to having fun, for knowing how<br />
what makes us laugh the most!<br />
<br />
<b>George</b><br />
i’m glad you’re laughing, but i for one<br />
am crying in my beer*<br />
for laughter i shall surely shun<br />
as i cower in my fear.<br />
<br />
(*beer used solely as a rhyming substitute for gin/tonic/limeade concoction.)<br />
<br />
<b>Bob</b><br />
What’s up with you? connect the dots – <br />
Why do you cry and cower?<br />
Just be like me and do more shots!<br />
Booze is my super power.<br />
<br />
<b>Linda F.</b><br />
a weirdness came upon them then<br />
strange lights danced in the sky<br />
insanity or alien<br />
or too much whiskey rye?<br />
<br />
<b>Linda F.</b><br />
some soldiers medals heavy hung<br />
on well-worn old lapels<br />
much battle seen, no longer young<br />
wise stories there to tell.<br />
<br />
<b>Linda F.</b><br />
so gather round and grab a glass<br />
and throw your poison back<br />
don’t sit and wait for days to pass<br />
the world cannot you lack<br />
<br />
<b>Linda F.</b><br />
not only do I turn a phrase<br />
I twist and mangle too<br />
a sad attempt the bar to raise<br />
please someone save me! DO!<br />
<br />
<b>Linda G.</b><br />
Linda, indeed you raise the bar<br />
what need have you to fret?<br />
You honor all that’s come before<br />
So please do NOT regret!!!!<br />
<br />
<b>Bob</b><br />
You’re doing great, so I declare,<br />
I’m glad to have you play.<br />
It’s early yet, so hear my prayer,<br />
Please don’t you go away!<br />
<br />
There’s lots more things for us to say<br />
In verses that transfix.<br />
I think you’ve made my night today,<br />
Making words do tricks.<br />
<br />
<b>George</b><br />
that’s what i like about this Facebook thing;<br />
we sit alone and drink<br />
yet alkies we’re not, for we do sing*<br />
with our friends upon the brink<br />
<br />
(* sing is a substitution for type. sue me.)”<br />
<br />
<b>Linda G.</b><br />
To sue George is a waste of time<br />
No money will ensue<br />
We drink, we type, we sing sublime<br />
What else have we to do?<br />
<br />
<b>Linda F.</b><br />
before is still so much of now<br />
like rope that spans a bridge<br />
expanding light my truest vow<br />
to leap from ridge to ridge!<br />
<br />
<b>George</b><br />
wow, Linda, you make it sound<br />
like poetry to my ears<br />
i think i’ll need another round<br />
to bring such beauty to my fears.<br />
<br />
<b>Bob</b><br />
I think, for me, it’s poetry<br />
But meant more for the eyes.<br />
I think that we can both agree<br />
It still makes her seem wise.<br />
<br />
<b>George</b><br />
Wise indeed, and erudite<br />
(i’ve used a great big word)<br />
i’m merely doing poetry lite<br />
not soaring like a bird.<br />
<br />
<b>Bob</b><br />
I understand, that’s why we’re here<br />
Just for a bit of fun.<br />
We’re not writing any Shakespeare,<br />
It’s Doggerel 101.<br />
<br />
<b>Linda F.</b><br />
aww shucks, I don’t know what to say<br />
I’m speechless I believe<br />
it’s just this kind of formal phrase<br />
that gets it out of me.<br />
<br />
<b>Kristen</b><br />
A poem is a useful tool,<br />
when you’re down and out and poor –<br />
Flashbacks of a drunken fool<br />
who cannot find the door.<br />
<br />
<b>Bob</b><br />
I have been down, I have been out,<br />
And God knows that I’m poor.<br />
It’s that drunken part that I’m about,<br />
Supine here on the floor.<br />
<br />
<b>Kristen</b><br />
iambic meter on sticky nights<br />
is fun, I do agree<br />
but though I try with all my might<br />
I forgot I have to pee.<br />
<br />
<b>Linda F.</b><br />
perfiddely and doogle mush<br />
per quantum magnum zore<br />
on hasher dancer pixen kush<br />
for vloddenambly lore.<br />
<br />
<b>Bob</b><br />
“I can’t understand you, love,<br />
Because your words sound queer.<br />
But, still, you are a cut above,”<br />
I said it with a Lear.<br />
<br />
<b>Linda F.</b><br />
I’m listing fast i must admit<br />
I’m calling it a day<br />
I really hate to have to quit<br />
but, thanks, ’twas fun to play! :)<br />
<br />
<b>Bob</b><br />
Good night, sweet dreams, and fare thee well!<br />
I think the cows came home.<br />
I must, I think, relax a spell<br />
But thanks for all the pomes.</span><br />
<br />
<b>Diana</b><br />
<b></b> <div style="margin: 0in 0in 0.0001pt;">“Drink this potion,” she said to he<br />
And down his throat it went<br />
And she was glad to find that he<br />
Found out what “blow ’em” meant.</div><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: 0.0001pt;"><br />
</div>Bobhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/16135646240130640507noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7703473637470588291.post-35597883501925460252010-06-22T22:49:00.005-04:002010-09-13T16:19:03.655-04:00A Barnacle Bill-y Holiday<span style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS",sans-serif; font-size: small;"><b>Thread I: Main Theme</b></span> <br />
<span style="font-size: small;"><br />
</span><br />
<span style="font-size: small;"><b><span style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS",sans-serif;">Bob</span></b></span><br />
<span style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS",sans-serif; font-size: small;">For 24 hours, everything I say online will be to the tune of “Barnacle Bill the Sailor.” Won’t you join me?</span><br />
<span style="font-size: small;"><br />
</span><br />
<span style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS",sans-serif; font-size: small;">“Why would I do a thing like that?” said Barnacle Bill the Sailor.</span><br />
<span style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS",sans-serif; font-size: small;">“Why e-mail when you could chat?” said Barnacle Bill the Sailor.</span><br />
<span style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS",sans-serif; font-size: small;">“Why sing and rhyme and waste my time?</span><br />
<span style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS",sans-serif; font-size: small;">Why do you care it’s on my dime?</span><br />
<span style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS",sans-serif; font-size: small;">Now it’s your turn, so in you chime,” said Barnacle Bill the Sailor.</span><br />
<span style="font-size: small;"><br />
</span><br />
<span style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS",sans-serif; font-size: small;"><b>Linda G.</b></span><br />
<span style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS",sans-serif; font-size: small;">I ride the wave, I moan, I whine...</span><br />
<span style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS",sans-serif; font-size: small;">I contemplate, I take my time</span><br />
<span style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS",sans-serif; font-size: small;">So sue me for my rhymin’ crime said Barnacle Bill the Sailor.</span><br />
<span style="font-size: small;"><br />
</span><br />
<span style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS",sans-serif; font-size: small;"><b>Bob</b></span><br />
<span style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS",sans-serif; font-size: small;">“But I like the way you moan,” said Barnacle Bill the Sailor.</span><br />
<span style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS",sans-serif; font-size: small;">“Your whining makes me feel at home,” said Barnacle Bill the Sailor.</span><br />
<span style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS",sans-serif; font-size: small;">“Your sense of rhyme is quite astute</span><br />
<span style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS",sans-serif; font-size: small;">Despite your name and ill repute</span><br />
<span style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS",sans-serif; font-size: small;">And tongue of frog and eye of newt,” said Barnacle Bill the Sailor.</span><br />
<span style="font-size: small;"><br />
</span><br />
<span style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS",sans-serif; font-size: small;"><b>George</b></span><br />
<span style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS",sans-serif; font-size: small;">i think you’re daft, i think you’re wack, i think you’re just the oddest quack.</span><br />
<span style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS",sans-serif; font-size: small;">i wonder why you have to try to put things in in this patter.</span><br />
<span style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS",sans-serif; font-size: small;">But if you want, i’ll play along, says Barnacle Bill in the white trash trailer.</span><br />
<span style="font-size: small;"><br />
</span><br />
<span style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS",sans-serif; font-size: small;"><b>April</b></span><br />
<span style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS",sans-serif; font-size: small;">“I’ve got poison ivy on my arms,” said Barnacle Bill the Sailor.</span><br />
<span style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS",sans-serif; font-size: small;">“Tea Tree Oil has limited charms,” said Barnacle Bill the Sailor.</span><br />
<span style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS",sans-serif; font-size: small;">“Lesson learned is to shake my head,</span><br />
<span style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS",sans-serif; font-size: small;">Not work outside with the man I wed.</span><br />
<span style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS",sans-serif; font-size: small;">Now a crossword puzzle then off to bed,” said Barnacle Bill the Sailor.</span><br />
<span style="font-size: small;"><br />
</span><br />
<span style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS",sans-serif; font-size: small;"><b>Bob</b></span><br />
<span style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS",sans-serif; font-size: small;">“I think April may have won,” said Barnacle Bill the Sailor.</span><br />
<span style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS",sans-serif; font-size: small;">“And we’d only just begun,” said Barnacle Bill the sailor.</span><br />
<span style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS",sans-serif; font-size: small;">“Boy, she nailed it out of the gate,</span><br />
<span style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS",sans-serif; font-size: small;">The kind of response I ’preciate</span><br />
<span style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS",sans-serif; font-size: small;">Time for bed? I can relate,” said Barnacle Bill the Sailor.</span><br />
<span style="font-size: small;"><br />
</span><br />
<span style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS",sans-serif; font-size: small;"><b>Linda G.</b></span><br />
<span style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS",sans-serif; font-size: small;">Agreed!</span><br />
<span style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS",sans-serif; font-size: small;">But tomorrow is another day ... said yada yada yada.</span><br />
<span style="font-size: small;"><br />
</span><br />
<span style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS",sans-serif; font-size: small;"><b>Bob</b></span><br />
<span style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS",sans-serif; font-size: small;">“I did this some years ago” said Barnacle Bill the Sailor.</span><br />
<span style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS",sans-serif; font-size: small;">“Really cheesed a girl I know,” said Barnacle Bill the Sailor.</span><br />
<span style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS",sans-serif; font-size: small;">“But once I start, I cannot stop</span><br />
<span style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS",sans-serif; font-size: small;">I’ll go once more around the block</span><br />
<span style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS",sans-serif; font-size: small;">Even if it’s one o’clock,” Said Barnacle Bill the Sailor.</span><br />
<span style="font-size: small;"><br />
</span><br />
<span style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS",sans-serif; font-size: small;"><b>Mr. C.</b></span><br />
<span style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS",sans-serif; font-size: small;">“Now you’ve put me on the spot,” said Barnacle Bill the Sailor.</span><br />
<span style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS",sans-serif; font-size: small;">“I cannot think when it’s so hot,” said Barnacle Bill the Sailor.</span><br />
<span style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS",sans-serif; font-size: small;">“You’ve challenged me to speak in verse,” </span><br />
<span style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS",sans-serif; font-size: small;">“The beers I’ve drunk just make it worse,”</span><br />
<span style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS",sans-serif; font-size: small;">“I only sought to slake my thirst”</span><br />
<span style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS",sans-serif; font-size: small;">“Why did you stick me with this curse?” asked Barnacle Bill the Sailor.</span><br />
<span style="font-size: small;"><br />
</span><br />
<span style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS",sans-serif; font-size: small;"><b>Bob</b></span><br />
<span style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS",sans-serif; font-size: small;">“Welcome back, Mr. C,” said Barnacle Bill the Sailor.</span><br />
<span style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS",sans-serif; font-size: small;">“Your words they mean so much to me,” said Barnacle Bill the Sailor.</span><br />
<span style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS",sans-serif; font-size: small;">“I’m glad you had a lovely trip</span><br />
<span style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS",sans-serif; font-size: small;">It’s time you stopped and had a nip</span><br />
<span style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS",sans-serif; font-size: small;">Sit down to type and let ’er rip,” said Barnacle Bill the Sailor.</span><br />
<span style="font-size: small;"><br />
</span><br />
<span style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS",sans-serif; font-size: small;">Who’s that mocking at your pour? Who’s that mocking at your pour?</span><br />
<span style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS",sans-serif; font-size: small;">Who’s that mocking at your pour? I don’t know because I’m fadin’.</span><br />
<span style="font-size: small;"><br />
</span><br />
<span style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS",sans-serif; font-size: small;">“I guess it is beer you choose,” said Barnacle Bill the Sailor.</span><br />
<span style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS",sans-serif; font-size: small;">“Me, I guess I’ll stick with booze,” said Barnacle Bill the Sailor.</span><br />
<span style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS",sans-serif; font-size: small;">“And though I might be up all night</span><br />
<span style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS",sans-serif; font-size: small;">I will write to my delight</span><br />
<span style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS",sans-serif; font-size: small;">Until I’ve quite fought the fight,” said Barnacle Bill the Sailor.</span><br />
<span style="font-size: small;"><br />
</span><br />
<span style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS",sans-serif; font-size: small;"><b>Jake</b></span><br />
<span style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS",sans-serif; font-size: small;">“What brought this on, i wonder?” asked Barnacle Bill the Sailor.</span><br />
<span style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS",sans-serif; font-size: small;">“Too much free time, lack of plunder?” asked Barnacle Bill the Sailor.</span><br />
<span style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS",sans-serif; font-size: small;">“But as a man of the sea</span><br />
<span style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS",sans-serif; font-size: small;">Time is never scarce to me</span><br />
<span style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS",sans-serif; font-size: small;">I’ll sing my rhymes, ’cuz i live free,” said Barnacle Bill the Sailor.</span><br />
<span style="font-size: small;"><br />
</span><br />
<span style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS",sans-serif; font-size: small;"><b>Bob</b></span><br />
<span style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS",sans-serif; font-size: small;">“What brought it on, indeed,” said Barnacle Bill the Sailor.</span><br />
<span style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS",sans-serif; font-size: small;">“A gallon of whiskey and too much weed,” said Barnacle Bill the Sailor.</span><br />
<span style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS",sans-serif; font-size: small;">“But it really gets in your head,</span><br />
<span style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS",sans-serif; font-size: small;">It’s the strangest thread I’ve ever read,</span><br />
<span style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS",sans-serif; font-size: small;">Damn the torpedoes, full speed ahead!” said Barnacle Bill the Sailor.</span><br />
<span style="font-size: small;"><br />
</span><br />
<span style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS",sans-serif; font-size: small;"><b>Jake</b></span><br />
<span style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS",sans-serif; font-size: small;">“So much booze, not enough drugs,” said Barnacle Bill the Sailor.</span><br />
<span style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS",sans-serif; font-size: small;">“Tap the barrel, and pass the mug,” said Barnacle Bill the Sailor.</span><br />
<span style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS",sans-serif; font-size: small;">“Half a day until you land, </span><br />
<span style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS",sans-serif; font-size: small;">I’d gladly lend my helping hand,</span><br />
<span style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS",sans-serif; font-size: small;">Drink until you’re merry, man” said Barnacle Bill the Sailor</span><br />
<span style="font-size: small;"><br />
</span><br />
<span style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS",sans-serif; font-size: small;"><b>Bob</b></span><br />
<span style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS",sans-serif; font-size: small;">“I’ve drunk until my heart’s content,” said Barnacle Bill the Sailor.</span><br />
<span style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS",sans-serif; font-size: small;">“God bless my soul, I repent,” said Barnacle Bill the Sailor.</span><br />
<span style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS",sans-serif; font-size: small;">“I swear off booze, I swear off beer,</span><br />
<span style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS",sans-serif; font-size: small;">It sounds severe, but I’m sincere,</span><br />
<span style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS",sans-serif; font-size: small;">But only ’til tonight, I fear,” said Barnacle Bill the Sailor.</span><br />
<span style="font-size: small;"><br />
</span><br />
<span style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS",sans-serif; font-size: small;"><b>Jake</b></span><br />
<span style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS",sans-serif; font-size: small;">“I wish you luck in that endeavor,” said Barnacle Bill the Sailor</span><br />
<span style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS",sans-serif; font-size: small;">“But to lay off the juice altogether?” said Barnacle Bill the Sailor</span><br />
<span style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS",sans-serif; font-size: small;">“I’ve seen no bolder men,</span><br />
<span style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS",sans-serif; font-size: small;">For i doubt any’d begin</span><br />
<span style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS",sans-serif; font-size: small;">To try and stop sipping gin!” said Barnacle Bill the Sailor</span><br />
<span style="font-size: small;"><br />
</span><br />
<span style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS",sans-serif; font-size: small;"><b>Bob</b></span><br />
<span style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS",sans-serif; font-size: small;">“Lad, I think that you are right,” said Barnacle Bill the Sailor.</span><br />
<span style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS",sans-serif; font-size: small;">“I don’t have a Mad Dog in this fight,” said Barnacle Bill the Sailor.</span><br />
<span style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS",sans-serif; font-size: small;">“I know that I have drunken plenty,</span><br />
<span style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS",sans-serif; font-size: small;">God knows I’ve spent a pretty penny;</span><br />
<span style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS",sans-serif; font-size: small;">Why stop now? Hindsight’s 20/20,” said Barnacle Bill the Sailor.</span><br />
<span style="font-size: small;"><br />
</span><br />
<span style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS",sans-serif; font-size: small;"><b>Karla</b></span><br />
<span style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS",sans-serif; font-size: small;">Stop! Stop! I have work to do!!</span><br />
<span style="font-size: small;"><br />
</span><br />
<span style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS",sans-serif; font-size: small;"><b>Bob</b></span><br />
<span style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS",sans-serif; font-size: small;">“All good things must come to an end,” said Barnacle Bill the Sailor.</span><br />
<span style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS",sans-serif; font-size: small;">“But not right now, so I contend,” Said Barnacle Bill the Sailor.</span><br />
<span style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS",sans-serif; font-size: small;">“Each little verse, more time devours,</span><br />
<span style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS",sans-serif; font-size: small;">Each clever quip, my ego empowers,</span><br />
<span style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS",sans-serif; font-size: small;">Let’s give it just a few more hours,” said Barnacle Bill the Sailor.</span><br />
<span style="font-size: small;"><br />
</span><br />
<span style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS",sans-serif; font-size: small;">______</span><br />
<span style="font-size: small;"><br />
</span><br />
<span style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS",sans-serif; font-size: small;"><b>Thread II: FNR E-Mails</b></span><br />
<span style="font-size: small;"><br />
</span><br />
<span style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS",sans-serif; font-size: small;"><b>George</b></span><br />
<span style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS",sans-serif; font-size: small;">Jan wants to come down and do an FNR this Friday. You up for dinner and a (few) drink (s) ? </span><br />
<span style="font-size: small;"><br />
</span><br />
<span style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS",sans-serif; font-size: small;"><b>Bob</b></span><br />
<span style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS",sans-serif; font-size: small;">“I can make it Friday night,” said Barnacle Bill the Sailor.</span><br />
<span style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS",sans-serif; font-size: small;">“I’m sure your company will delight,” said Barnacle Bill the Sailor.</span><br />
<span style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS",sans-serif; font-size: small;">“But maybe I should eat before</span><br />
<span style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS",sans-serif; font-size: small;">I go and show up at your door</span><br />
<span style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS",sans-serif; font-size: small;">I’m ’fraid that’s because I’m poor,” said Barnacle Bill the Sailor. </span><br />
<span style="font-size: small;"><br />
</span><br />
<span style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS",sans-serif; font-size: small;"><b>George</b></span><br />
<span style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS",sans-serif; font-size: small;">i understand your trip said BB the S</span><br />
<span style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS",sans-serif; font-size: small;">i’m in the same ship said BB the S</span><br />
<span style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS",sans-serif; font-size: small;">But something must be worked out said BB the S</span><br />
<span style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS",sans-serif; font-size: small;">or talking all night will make me shout said BB the S</span><br />
<span style="font-size: small;"><br />
</span><br />
<span style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS",sans-serif; font-size: small;">i’d like to think we can make it cheap said BB the S</span><br />
<span style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS",sans-serif; font-size: small;">we’ll count our coins to see what we reap said BB the S</span><br />
<span style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS",sans-serif; font-size: small;">so our blood we won’t have to sell said BB the S</span><br />
<span style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS",sans-serif; font-size: small;">we can just eat Taco Bell. said BB the S </span><br />
<span style="font-size: small;"><br />
</span><br />
<span style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS",sans-serif; font-size: small;"><b>Bob</b></span><br />
<span style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS",sans-serif; font-size: small;">“I can swing Taco Bell” said Barnacle Bill the Sailor.</span><br />
<span style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS",sans-serif; font-size: small;">“If you won’t ask, I won’t tell,” said Barnacle Bill the Sailor.</span><br />
<span style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS",sans-serif; font-size: small;">“I like their beans, I like their cheese</span><br />
<span style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS",sans-serif; font-size: small;">I like their birds, I like their bees,</span><br />
<span style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS",sans-serif; font-size: small;">Their burr-itos I like to squeeze,” said Barnacle Bill the Sailor.</span><br />
<span style="font-size: small;"><br />
</span><br />
<span style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS",sans-serif; font-size: small;"><b>George</b></span><br />
<span style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS",sans-serif; font-size: small;">don’t know if Jan will dig the Bell said BB the S</span><br />
<span style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS",sans-serif; font-size: small;">but something similar would be swell said BB the S</span><br />
<span style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS",sans-serif; font-size: small;">we’ll eat something yummy good</span><br />
<span style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS",sans-serif; font-size: small;">something that’s in the ’hood</span><br />
<span style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS",sans-serif; font-size: small;">and dream expensive (as if we could) said BB the S</span><br />
<span style="font-size: small;"><br />
</span><br />
<span style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS",sans-serif; font-size: small;"><b>Bob</b></span><br />
<span style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS",sans-serif; font-size: small;">“Could be chicken’s just as good,” said Barnacle Bill the Sailor.</span><br />
<span style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS",sans-serif; font-size: small;">“And you’ve got some in the hood,” said Barnacle Bill the Sailor.</span><br />
<span style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS",sans-serif; font-size: small;">“We’ll find something, there’s no doubt</span><br />
<span style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS",sans-serif; font-size: small;">Because that’s what we’re all about</span><br />
<span style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS",sans-serif; font-size: small;">We’ll dine in or Carie out,” said Barnacle Bill the Sailor.</span><br />
<span style="font-size: small;"><br />
</span><br />
<span style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS",sans-serif; font-size: small;">(23 more hours of this? I think I can do it.)</span><br />
<span style="font-size: small;"><br />
</span><br />
<span style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS",sans-serif; font-size: small;"><b>George</b></span><br />
<span style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS",sans-serif; font-size: small;">Carie’s out, that’s for sure said BB the S</span><br />
<span style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS",sans-serif; font-size: small;">she’ll be gone and can’t be lured said BB the S</span><br />
<span style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS",sans-serif; font-size: small;">So, chicken, pig, or sacred cow</span><br />
<span style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS",sans-serif; font-size: small;">we’ll maybe eat Kung Pow said BB the S </span><br />
<span style="font-size: small;"><br />
</span><br />
<span style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS",sans-serif; font-size: small;"><b>Bob</b></span><br />
<span style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS",sans-serif; font-size: small;">“Did you ask her really nice?” said Barnacle Bill the Sailor.</span><br />
<span style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS",sans-serif; font-size: small;">“A simple ‘please’ will not suffice,” said Barnacle Bill the Sailor.</span><br />
<span style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS",sans-serif; font-size: small;">“We’ll play the cards that we’ve been dealt,</span><br />
<span style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS",sans-serif; font-size: small;">I hope she wears her safety belt,</span><br />
<span style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS",sans-serif; font-size: small;">Her absinthe will be keenly felt,” said Barnacle Bill the Sailor.</span><br />
<span style="font-size: small;"><br />
</span><br />
<span style="font-size: small;"><br />
</span><br />
<span style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS",sans-serif; font-size: small;">______</span><br />
<span style="font-size: small;"><br />
</span><br />
<span style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS",sans-serif; font-size: small;"><b>Thread III: Billie Holiday</b></span><br />
<span style="font-size: small;"><br />
</span><br />
<span style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS",sans-serif; font-size: small;"><i>Video: “Strange Fruit”; Billie Holiday</i></span><br />
<span style="font-size: small;"><br />
</span><br />
<span style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS",sans-serif; font-size: small;"><b>Bob</b></span><br />
<span style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS",sans-serif; font-size: small;">“That’s the music that I like,” It’s Barnacle Billie Holiday.</span><br />
<span style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS",sans-serif; font-size: small;">“It was good back then, it’s good today,” It’s Barnacle Billie Holiday.</span><br />
<span style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS",sans-serif; font-size: small;">“As singers go, she stands alone</span><br />
<span style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS",sans-serif; font-size: small;">She’s got soul down to the bone</span><br />
<span style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS",sans-serif; font-size: small;">God bless the child that’s got her own,” It’s Barnacle Billie Holiday.</span><br />
<span style="font-size: small;"><br />
</span><br />
<span style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS",sans-serif; font-size: small;"><b>Jan</b></span><br />
<span style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS",sans-serif; font-size: small;">… Bob, please write me a Barnacle Bill poem</span><br />
<span style="font-size: small;"><br />
</span><br />
<span style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS",sans-serif; font-size: small;"><b>Bob</b></span><br />
<span style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS",sans-serif; font-size: small;">“I’ve only got twelve hours to go,” said Barnacle Bill the Sailor.</span><br />
<span style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS",sans-serif; font-size: small;">“I hope that you’ve enjoyed the show,” said Barnacle Bill the Sailor.</span><br />
<span style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS",sans-serif; font-size: small;">“This is harder than I’d guessed</span><br />
<span style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS",sans-serif; font-size: small;">But hopefully, you are impressed</span><br />
<span style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS",sans-serif; font-size: small;">For I clearly am obsessed,” said Barnacle Bill the Sailor.</span><br />
<span style="font-size: small;"><br />
</span><br />
<span style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS",sans-serif; font-size: small;"><b>Jan</b></span><br />
<span style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS",sans-serif; font-size: small;">Barnacle Bob, you rock!</span><br />
<span style="font-size: small;"><br />
</span><br />
<span style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS",sans-serif; font-size: small;"><b>Bob</b></span><br />
<span style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS",sans-serif; font-size: small;">“I guess I just have too much time,” said Barnacle Bill the Sailor.</span><br />
<span style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS",sans-serif; font-size: small;">“But I’m glad to have a partner in crime,” said Barnacle Bill the Sailor.</span><br />
<span style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS",sans-serif; font-size: small;">“I’m having fun, I will admit</span><br />
<span style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS",sans-serif; font-size: small;">Though I submit it’s not legit,</span><br />
<span style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS",sans-serif; font-size: small;">As poems go, it’s not worth spit,” said Barnacle Bill the Sailor.</span><br />
<span style="font-size: small;"><br />
</span><br />
<span style="font-size: small;"><br />
</span><br />
<span style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS",sans-serif; font-size: small;">______</span><br />
<span style="font-size: small;"><br />
</span><br />
<span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS",sans-serif;"><b>Thread IV: Feed a Child</b> </span></span><br />
<span style="font-size: small;"><br />
</span><br />
<span style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS",sans-serif; font-size: small;"><i>Bob says, “Feed a child, starve a beaver. Or is it the other way around?”</i></span><br />
<span style="font-size: small;"><br />
</span><br />
<span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS",sans-serif;"><b>Jan</b> </span></span><br />
<span style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS",sans-serif; font-size: small;">Why don’t we cook the beaver and feed it to the child?</span><br />
<span style="font-size: small;"><br />
</span><br />
<span style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS",sans-serif; font-size: small;"><b>Bob</b></span><br />
<span style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS",sans-serif; font-size: small;">“You obviously haven’t tasted beaver,” said Barnacle Bill the Sailor.</span><br />
<span style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS",sans-serif; font-size: small;">“Or you would be a firm believer,” said Barnacle Bill the Sailor.</span><br />
<span style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS",sans-serif; font-size: small;">“And you would do what I once did</span><br />
<span style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS",sans-serif; font-size: small;">For lack of meat, God Forbid,</span><br />
<span style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS",sans-serif; font-size: small;">I married the beaver and ate the kid,” said Barnacle Bill the Sailor.</span><br />
<span style="font-size: small;"><br />
</span><br />
<span style="font-size: small;"><br />
</span><br />
<span style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS",sans-serif; font-size: small;">______</span><br />
<span style="font-size: small;"><br />
</span><br />
<span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS",sans-serif;"><b>Thread V: Dating Life</b> </span></span><br />
<span style="font-size: small;"><br />
</span><br />
<span style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS",sans-serif; font-size: small;"><i>Bob says, “You think your dating life is rough? Stalk a while in *my* shoes!”</i></span><br />
<span style="font-size: small;"><br />
</span><br />
<span style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS",sans-serif; font-size: small;"><b>Linda G.</b></span><br />
<span style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS",sans-serif; font-size: small;">… said Barnacle Bill the Sailor?</span><br />
<span style="font-size: small;"><br />
</span><br />
<span style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS",sans-serif; font-size: small;"><b>Bob</b></span><br />
<span style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS",sans-serif; font-size: small;">“I wrote that before, so it don’t count,” said Barnacle Bill the Sailor.</span><br />
<span style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS",sans-serif; font-size: small;">“As time goes by, the tensions mount,” said Barnacle Bill the Sailor.</span><br />
<span style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS",sans-serif; font-size: small;">“Even though I counted sheep</span><br />
<span style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS",sans-serif; font-size: small;">I was writing these in my sleep,</span><br />
<span style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS",sans-serif; font-size: small;">I pray the Lord my soul to keep,” said Barnacle Bill the Sailor.</span><br />
<span style="font-size: small;"><br />
</span><br />
<span style="font-size: small;"><br />
</span><br />
<span style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS",sans-serif; font-size: small;">______</span><br />
<span style="font-size: small;"><br />
</span><br />
<span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS",sans-serif;"><b>Thread VI: Good Match</b> </span></span><br />
<span style="font-size: small;"><br />
</span><br />
<span style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS",sans-serif; font-size: small;"><i>Bob said, “I had a date last night. She was hot … but she didn’t strike me as a good match.”</i></span><br />
<span style="font-size: small;"><br />
</span><br />
<span style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS",sans-serif; font-size: small;"><b>George</b></span><br />
<span style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS",sans-serif; font-size: small;">... said Barnacle Bill the Sailor.</span><br />
<span style="font-size: small;"><br />
</span><br />
<span style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS",sans-serif; font-size: small;"><b>Bob</b></span><br />
<span style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS",sans-serif; font-size: small;">“I said before that was pre-wrote,” said Barnacle Bill the Sailor.</span><br />
<span style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS",sans-serif; font-size: small;">“Don’t think that you can get my goat,” said Barnacle Bill the Sailor.</span><br />
<span style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS",sans-serif; font-size: small;">“I’ve already done so many of these</span><br />
<span style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS",sans-serif; font-size: small;">That I crank them out with ease</span><br />
<span style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS",sans-serif; font-size: small;">In twos and threes or by degrees,” said Barnacle Bill the Sailor.</span><br />
<span style="font-size: small;"><br />
</span><br />
<span style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS",sans-serif; font-size: small;"><b>Linda F.</b></span><br />
<span style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS",sans-serif; font-size: small;">Perhaps you need lighter fare</span><br />
<span style="font-size: small;"><br />
</span><br />
<span style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS",sans-serif; font-size: small;"><b>Bob</b></span><br />
<span style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS",sans-serif; font-size: small;">“This lady is nothing I can’t handle,” said Barnacle Bill the Sailor.</span><br />
<span style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS",sans-serif; font-size: small;">“She’s the one that lights my candle,” said Barnacle Bill the Sailor.</span><br />
<span style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS",sans-serif; font-size: small;">“I’ve laid it on both loud and thick,</span><br />
<span style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS",sans-serif; font-size: small;">I know what used to do the trick,</span><br />
<span style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS",sans-serif; font-size: small;">I need someone to moisten the wick,” said Barnacle Bill the Sailor.</span><br />
<span style="font-size: small;"><br />
</span><br />
<span style="font-size: small;"><br />
</span><br />
<span style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS",sans-serif; font-size: small;">______</span><br />
<span style="font-size: small;"><br />
</span><br />
<span style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS",sans-serif; font-size: small;"><b>Thread VII: Whiz Kid</b></span><br />
<span style="font-size: small;"><br />
</span><br />
<span style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS",sans-serif; font-size: small;"><i>Bob says, “When I was little, they called me a whiz kid. I used to pee a lot.”</i></span><br />
<span style="font-size: small;"><br />
</span><br />
<span style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS",sans-serif; font-size: small;"><b>Keith</b></span><br />
<span style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS",sans-serif; font-size: small;">You ladies seem to be handling this one.</span><br />
<span style="font-size: small;"><br />
</span><br />
<span style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS",sans-serif; font-size: small;"><b>Bob</b></span><br />
<span style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS",sans-serif; font-size: small;">“On that point we both agree,” said Barnacle Bill the Sailor.</span><br />
<span style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS",sans-serif; font-size: small;">“They hold their own and so do we,” said Barnacle Bill the Sailor.</span><br />
<span style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS",sans-serif; font-size: small;">“But you know I’ve just begun</span><br />
<span style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS",sans-serif; font-size: small;">I'm not one to be outdone</span><br />
<span style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS",sans-serif; font-size: small;">When it comes to number one,” said Barnacle Bill the Sailor.</span><br />
<span style="font-size: small;"><br />
</span><br />
<span style="font-size: small;"><br />
</span><br />
<span style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS",sans-serif; font-size: small;">______</span><br />
<span style="font-size: small;"><br />
</span><br />
<span style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS",sans-serif; font-size: small;"><b>Thread VIII: Main Theme Reprise</b></span><br />
<span style="font-size: small;"><br />
</span><br />
<span style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS",sans-serif; font-size: small;"><b>Bob</b></span><br />
<span style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS",sans-serif; font-size: small;">Thanks for knocking at my door! Thanks for knocking at my door!</span><br />
<span style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS",sans-serif; font-size: small;">Thanks for knocking at my door! And thank you all for playing!</span><br />
<span style="font-size: small;"><br />
</span><br />
<span style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS",sans-serif; font-size: small;">“But that’s as much as I can stand,” said Barnacle Bill the Sailor.</span><br />
<span style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS",sans-serif; font-size: small;">“I think our supply exceeded demand,” said Barnacle Bill the Sailor.</span><br />
<span style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS",sans-serif; font-size: small;">“Your verses certainly did beguile,</span><br />
<span style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS",sans-serif; font-size: small;">Your doggerel has made me smile,</span><br />
<span style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS",sans-serif; font-size: small;">You can bet this goes in the file,” said Barnacle Bill the Sailor.</span><br />
<span style="font-size: small;"><br />
</span><br />
<span style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS",sans-serif; font-size: small;">“We took a premise and wrung it dry,” said Barnacle Bill the Sailor.</span><br />
<span style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS",sans-serif; font-size: small;">“But now it’s time we said goodbye,” said Barnacle Bill the Sailor.</span><br />
<span style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS",sans-serif; font-size: small;">“The idea itself was pretty tough,</span><br />
<span style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS",sans-serif; font-size: small;">And you really know your stuff,</span><br />
<span style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS",sans-serif; font-size: small;">But I, for one, have had enough” … said Abdul Abulbul Amir!</span><br />
<span style="font-size: small;"><br />
<span style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS",sans-serif;"></span></span>Bobhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/16135646240130640507noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7703473637470588291.post-4784029732786643282010-06-10T21:15:00.005-04:002010-06-22T22:52:51.154-04:00My HaikuA haiku is too hard to write<br />
And really no fun to recite.<br />
I should stick with this meter,<br />
It’s charming and sweeter<br />
For all that it’s hackneyed and trite.<br />
<br />
Who even wants to read a haiku?<br />
They’re boring and all alike, too.<br />
I’ll take up my pen<br />
And try it again,<br />
But I’m afraid this will be my strike two.<br />
<br />
I’ll give my haiku one final whirl,<br />
As my poetical sails I unfurl.<br />
But I tell you, my friend,<br />
I’m tacking into the wind …<br />
Still, maybe I’ll come up with a pearl:<br />
<br />
Too few syllables …<br />
It’s just not in my nature<br />
Damn thing doesn’t rhyme.<br />
<br />
<br />
<em>And, here we go!</em><br />
<br />
<strong>Linda</strong><br />
I can’t even write a haiku<br />
Even one ending in Moo!<br />
I’m doing my best here<br />
To lend you some good cheer<br />
But a limerick is all I can do....<br />
<br />
<strong>Bob</strong><br />
That’s not a bad try<br />
In the middle of the night.<br />
It beats jerking off.<br />
<br />
<strong>Sandy</strong><br />
I just can’t do it.<br />
It just works in Japanese;<br />
I’m Indonesian.<br />
<br />
<strong>Bob</strong><br />
Your words speak to me<br />
Of beaches in the moonlight.<br />
Haikus are still lame.<br />
<br />
<strong>Dan</strong><br />
I write them only<br />
To wish others good birthdays<br />
On their Facebook walls.<br />
<br />
<strong>Bob</strong><br />
I’m afraid my friends<br />
Face their birthdays without me.<br />
’Cause I hate people.<br />
<br />
<strong>Sandy</strong><br />
Spondee, trochee and<br />
Iambic pentameter<br />
Are superior.<br />
<br />
<strong>Bob</strong><br />
Better than haiku <br />
Unless you read Japanese.<br />
I tell you I don’t.<br />
<br />
<strong>Linda</strong><br />
I gave it my best<br />
In an awkward sort of way<br />
It didn’t say Moo!<br />
<br />
<strong>Bob</strong><br />
Again with the cow!<br />
Let’s put the past behind us<br />
And eat more chikin.<br />
<br />
<strong>Bob</strong><br />
A pair of haikus<br />
Working together as one<br />
Could be of some use<br />
With the right rhyme scheme.<br />
If it could only be done ...<br />
Impossible dream.Bobhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/16135646240130640507noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7703473637470588291.post-24660616783004247312010-06-05T20:48:00.013-04:002011-11-16T20:04:28.801-05:00Vagabond Haven Destroyed. 45 Drifters Killed<span style="font-size: 85%;">EUGENE, Ore. (Reuters) – Long considered dormant, Big Rock Candy Mountain erupted unexpectedly Friday at 5:49 p.m. PDT causing the deaths of 45 migrant laborers. The eruption, which could be felt as far away as Portland, was the most destructive volcanic event in the contiguous 48 states since Mount St. Helens exploded on May 18, 1980.</span><br />
<br />
<span style="font-size: 85%;">A favorite destination for hoboes due to its unique ecosystem, Big Rock Candy Mountain was one of the few places in the U.S. where a bum could stay for many a day and not need any money. Those killed were part of a group of bindlestiffs who had been encamped -- or "jungling" -- near the mountain for several weeks.</span><br />
<br />
<span style="font-size: 85%;">The blast, which was some 1,600 times more powerful than the nuclear warhead dropped on Hiroshima, ejected enough confectioner’s sugar to cover the island of Manhattan to a depth of 18 feet and leveled cigarette trees up to 20 miles from the crater. The resulting plume reached a height of 15 miles.</span><br />
<br />
<span style="font-size: 85%;">The damage to the environment surrounding the mountain was extensive and the effects will be felt for decades. One lake of stew and one of whiskey, too, were completely destroyed. Experts predict it will take years for milk and honey to return to the area.</span><br />
<br />
<span style="font-size: 85%;">The last major eruption of a candy mountain was in 1849 in Hershey, Penn.</span>Bobhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/16135646240130640507noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7703473637470588291.post-24696691842179449082010-05-16T19:35:00.004-04:002010-06-08T19:39:51.458-04:00Twitter Change<span style="font-family: inherit;">I’ve just changed my ID on Twitter </span></span><br />
<span style="font-family: inherit;">Because I’m that kind of critter. </span></span><br />
<span style="font-family: inherit;">My words may ring hollow, </span></span><br />
<span style="font-family: inherit;">But feel free to follow. </span></span><br />
<span style="font-family: inherit;">Just remember, I’m no heavy hitter. </span></span><br />
<br />
...<br />
<span style="font-family: inherit;"></span><br />
<span style="font-family: inherit;">I changed my Twitter again,</span><br />
<span style="font-family: inherit;">I needed a good nom de … pen.</span><br />
<span style="font-family: inherit;">I know it rings hollow</span><br />
<span style="font-family: inherit;">Since no one will follow,</span><br />
<span style="font-family: inherit;">But now I’m “BobSays.” Amen.</span></span><br />
<br />
Bobhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/16135646240130640507noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7703473637470588291.post-72323779923042709422010-05-05T01:32:00.006-04:002010-05-07T01:06:09.806-04:00To Have. And to Hold.<span style="font-size:85%;">Oh, he liked his romances varied.<br />For years, a young woman he harried.<br />A rakish young fellow, made knees turn to Jell-O.<br />It’s too bad the guy was still married.<br /><br />“You’re my only true love,” he once told her.<br />“The sight of you makes my heart smolder.<br />The thought of your kiss invokes transports of bliss!<br />From my wife, I get the cold shoulder.”<br /><br />“Though my marriage is nothing but strife,<br />I’ll have one more go with my wife.<br />But if our future’s in doubt, I’ll come try you out.<br />And you know I commit for life.”<br /><br />“It’s over — I am no longer wed.<br />And when everything’s all done and said,<br />There’s no need for remorse, it’s a happy divorce,<br />And I’d rather be with you instead.”<br /><br />“I’m afraid that I’ve changed my mind.<br />How could I be so stupid and blind?<br />You were only a fad; my wife’s not that bad,<br />And our fates are surely entwined.”<br /><br />“Oh! What a mistake I have made.<br />You are the one I’ve betrayed!<br />It’s over … it’s through, because next to you<br />My wife just can’t make the grade.”<br /><br />“I don’t know! I just can’t decide.<br />My One True Love or my bride?<br />Oh, why can’t I roam — have a wife safe at home<br />And still keep you on the side?”<br /><br />“No … it’s you that I want, I am sure,<br />So lovely and chaste and demure.<br />I’ll do whatever it takes — my heart, how it aches! —<br />I am certain our love can endure.”<br /><br />“I’ll woo you with flowers and song.<br />You know I can do nothing wrong.<br />Here’s my plan of attack: you keep coming back,<br />And I’ll continue to string you along.” </span><br /><p><span style="font-size:85%;"></span> </p><p><span style="font-size:85%;"></p></span>Bobhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/16135646240130640507noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7703473637470588291.post-56347490533791768872010-05-04T22:33:00.010-04:002010-08-22T00:29:14.949-04:00Limerick Junction<span style="font-size: small;">A limerick is a quaint little verse <br />
Which requires one to keep one’s words terse. <br />
It’s a poetic device <br />
That keeps thoughts concise <br />
With rhymes that are clearly perverse. <br />
<br />
<i></i><br />
<i>And away we go! ...</i> <br />
<i></i><br />
<b>Joe</b> <br />
I thought I was the short poem master <br />
But my hubris has been brought to disaster <br />
For this delicious confection <br />
Of ironic introspection <br />
Shows me your poetic leetness is much vaster. <br />
<br />
<b>Bob</b> <br />
Of course I can’t be outdone, <br />
But I welcome a partner in fun. <br />
For it would be grand <br />
Our scope to expand <br />
And two heads are better than one. <br />
<br />
<b>Joe</b> <br />
I’d gladly submit a donation <br />
Of my poems for your consideration <br />
But a fear leaps to mind <br />
Our talents combined <br />
Might lead to poetic abomination. <br />
<br />
<b>Bob</b> <br />
The damage is already done <br />
And gets worse with each single pun. <br />
I bow to the master, <br />
Your vocab is vaster. <br />
Can you finish what we have begun? </span><span style="font-size: small;"><b> </b></span><br />
<br />
<span style="font-size: small;"><b>Linda F. </b> </span><br />
<span style="font-size: small;">So much for linguistic gymnastics <br />
It would seem that the ultimate fact is <br />
That I am the greatest <br />
Albeit the latest <br />
Let’s face it, my rhyme is fantastic. <br />
<br />
<b>Bob</b> <br />
Welcome to our little word game. <br />
Come try to put our verses to shame. <br />
We’ll give you a chance <br />
To make your words dance <br />
’Cause your rhymes aren’t bad for a dame. </span><br />
<br />
<span style="font-size: small;"><b>Linda G. </b> </span><br />
<span style="font-size: small;">There once was a dame from Nantucket <br />
She wrote rhymes, played guitar, hell she plucked it. <br />
Sometimes she did rob <br />
Her dear friend we’ll call Bob <br />
Who always just said ... “What the fuck it!” <br />
<br />
<b>Bob</b> <br />
It’s true! You always feel free <br />
To take anything you might see. <br />
When you’re in the groove <br />
It just goes to prove <br />
Neither a borrower nor Linda be. <br />
<br />
<b>Dan</b> <br />
What is this, the amateur hour? <br />
Come, witness my lim’ricking pow’r! <br />
I’ve learned from my wife <br />
There’s no better po’try in life <br />
Than a limerick, so y’all should go’n cower. <br />
<br />
<b>Bob</b> <br />
Our talent is just playing possum, <br />
I’m sure one day it will blossom. <br />
But, until then <br />
We’d do well to ken <br />
Our buddy Dan Shields is still awesome. <br />
<br />
<b>Keith</b> <br />
Two punsters named Bob and Joe <br />
Wrote limericks highbrow and low. <br />
They dueled with the word <br />
Till nothing was heard <br />
But laughter from people they know. <br />
<br />
<b>Bob</b> <br />
How we parry and how we riposte <br />
To see who can lim’rick the most. <br />
And on Joe’s behalf, <br />
I say have a good laugh! <br />
And, with my permission, re-post. </span><br />
<br />
<span style="font-size: small;"><b>Keith</b> <br />
So I tried to take your suggestion <br />
And repost this limerick confection <br />
But software’s perverse <br />
And the original verse <br />
Is all that made the transition. <br />
<br />
<b>Bob</b> <br />
The writing we’ve done was so brisk <br />
That I just couldn’t accept the risk <br />
That Facebook would eat <br />
Or somehow delete, <br />
So I saved whole corpus to disk.</span><br />
<br />
<span style="font-size: small;"><b>Christian</b> <br />
This is interesting, I’ll admit, <br />
Though so difficult that I could spit. <br />
So I’m glad I’m not in <br />
Singapore. Then again, <br />
I would likely be thrown in a pit. <br />
<br />
<b>Christian</b> <br />
Now I’m tired and going to bed <br />
As this contest has messed with my head <br />
There are images twirling <br />
And I feel like hurling. <br />
Then again, could be lies, what I’ve said. <br />
<br />
<b>Keith</b> <br />
Your foresight in saving this thread <br />
Shows that you think ahead. <br />
Now I can link <br />
To this post, I think. <br />
The fun will be simpler to spread. <br />
<br />
<b>Jan</b> <br />
I love this contest of Rhyming <br />
I copied each verse <br />
It was morosely perverse <br />
But you need to practice the timing. <br />
<br />
<b>Bob</b> <br />
We established a poetic rapport <br />
And created some verses hardcore. <br />
Your response was dismaying, <br />
And thank you for playing, <br />
Your rhymes were really top drawer. <br />
</span>Bobhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/16135646240130640507noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7703473637470588291.post-57033661236906915592010-03-08T10:13:00.006-05:002010-03-08T17:08:14.064-05:00I Kid You Not (Revised Version)<span style="font-size:85%;">I’ve never had a wife or child<br />Though I’m over forty now.<br />I’d love to let my genes run wild<br />But, danged if I know how.<br /><br />But, I saw a girl I used to know<br />Then I went and chased her.<br />“Don’t run away! I’m friend, not foe …<br />Come, use my turkey baster!”<br /><br />“Come back to me, my One True … Like.<br />I only wish to procreate!<br />I need someone to bear my tyke …<br />Come back before you ovulate!”<br /><br />“Oh, I sense some hesitation.<br />This has ever been my doom!<br />I didn’t make a reservation<br />And you have a private womb.”</span><br /><br /><span style="font-size:85%;">So my seed remains unsown.<br />I guess I’ll never reproduce.<br />Parental joys remain unknown<br />And I’ll die an old recluse.</span>Bobhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/16135646240130640507noreply@blogger.com4tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7703473637470588291.post-42079800893270046042010-02-14T20:17:00.003-05:002010-02-14T22:11:51.575-05:002010 Valentine's Day Card<a href="http://3.bp.blogspot.com/_1rwC6lxspBs/S3i7adeXNnI/AAAAAAAAAQ8/mkj0jdPYpGM/s1600-h/2010-Valentine+Card2.jpg"><img id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5438302613312845426" style="FLOAT: left; MARGIN: 0px 10px 10px 0px; WIDTH: 400px; CURSOR: hand; HEIGHT: 254px" alt="" src="http://3.bp.blogspot.com/_1rwC6lxspBs/S3i7adeXNnI/AAAAAAAAAQ8/mkj0jdPYpGM/s400/2010-Valentine+Card2.jpg" border="0" /></a><br /><div><a href="http://3.bp.blogspot.com/_1rwC6lxspBs/S3igtiO-nzI/AAAAAAAAAQk/HPNY4Mp-pvc/s1600-h/2010-Valentine+Card2.jpg"></a><br /><br /><div></div></div>Bobhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/16135646240130640507noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7703473637470588291.post-77318592277677492182010-02-09T12:23:00.018-05:002010-02-15T13:38:50.514-05:00To Wit<span style="font-size:85%;">Whereby notwithstanding, against forthwith wherefores,<br />Thereby obstruct said herewith whys because of my therefores.<br />Howsoever they might albeit, withal I mayhap see,<br />Inasmuch as I’m foresworn, whatsoever, shall it be.<br /><br />For therein lie my herebys which were heretofore my whereins,<br />And ever hence the words I speak shall be all full of swear ins.<br />But know all men by these presents — I promise and affirm —<br />The above shall be regarded null and void. Hereinafter. </span><br /><span style="font-size:85%;"></span><br /><span style="font-size:85%;">To whom it may concern.</span>Bobhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/16135646240130640507noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7703473637470588291.post-2111212970207737302010-01-30T01:30:00.004-05:002010-02-09T01:07:02.777-05:00I'd Like a Second Opinion<span style="font-size:85%;">I consulted Dr. Seuss on a matter of great importance.<br />He made a Hat-in-Cat Scan of my Whys and Whos and Hortons.<br /><br />He said, “You have a cooter-pooter,” and he asked for my permission.<br />“You're going to feel a little prick, but you’ll be in remission.”<br /><br />I should say I did not like it. I do not care how it appears!<br />It’s not covered by my insurance, and now I’m in arrears.<br /></span>Bobhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/16135646240130640507noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7703473637470588291.post-73137632688702412632010-01-29T21:25:00.023-05:002010-06-05T23:40:54.694-04:00I'm Just Scratching the Surface (because that's where it itches)<span style="font-size: 85%;">I am uniquely superficial in the way I act and speak, <br />
And my emotions artificial for six days out of the week. <br />
Oh, I say odd stuff and nonsense just to hear the way I sound, <br />
Without affect or pretense, how the wisecracks they abound. <br />
They flee my tongue like flocks of birds, all migrating south. <br />
Meaningless, my witty words! I just cannot shut my mouth. <br />
That “me” who felt, he up and died. I'm unmoved by grief or woe! <br />
I’m laughing on the outside, and that’s as deep as I will go. <br />
But please don’t think ill of me; I’ve got catharsis by the throat! <br />
Every seventh day I set it free … I pull the shades, and I emote. <br />
</span>Bobhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/16135646240130640507noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7703473637470588291.post-36242932641819794002010-01-05T01:34:00.020-05:002010-01-26T21:10:39.308-05:00A Tail of Chew Kitties<span style="font-size:85%;">My little cat bit his tail</span><br /><span style="font-size:85%;">And then he kept on chewing.</span><br /><span style="font-size:85%;">He went at it tooth and nail.</span><br /><span style="font-size:85%;">He didn’t know what he was doing.</span><br /><span style="font-size:85%;"></span><br /><span style="font-size:85%;">He chewed upon his tail all day,</span><br /><span style="font-size:85%;">Chewed well into the night.</span><br /><span style="font-size:85%;">I didn’t know just what to say.</span><br /><span style="font-size:85%;">I knew it wasn’t right.</span><br /><span style="font-size:85%;"></span><br /><span style="font-size:85%;">He gnawed and gnawed,</span><br /><span style="font-size:85%;">Oh, how he bit and swallowed.</span><br /><span style="font-size:85%;">He was eating himself, by Gawd!</span><br /><span style="font-size:85%;">First tail, then hind legs followed.</span><br /><span style="font-size:85%;"></span><br /><span style="font-size:85%;">He kept on eating without pause,</span><br /><span style="font-size:85%;">Past his shoulders, as I feared.</span><br /><span style="font-size:85%;">One last gulp – just because –</span><br /><span style="font-size:85%;">Then my cat, he disappeared!<br /><br />I couldn’t believe my cat was gone –<br />I would miss the little dear.<br />He’d tangled with that tail – and won.<br />I’ll admit … I shed a tear.<br /><br />So, imagine my surprise when,<br />Two days later, to the second,<br />I heard my cat meow again!<br />He’d digested himself, I reckon.<br /><br />It’s true! The cat was back!<br />My ravenous little friend ...<br />He’d eaten himself for a snack,<br />Then come out his other end! </span><br /><p><span style="font-size:85%;">Now I buy no cat food,<br />My cat’s a meal that never ends.<br />Now when he’s in a peckish mood,<br />I butter up his tail <em>and send him through again!</em></p></span>Bobhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/16135646240130640507noreply@blogger.com3tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7703473637470588291.post-54529571367660904152009-12-25T22:35:00.000-05:002010-02-09T22:36:55.814-05:00Christmas Card 2009<a href="http://1.bp.blogspot.com/_1rwC6lxspBs/S3IprdL_3ZI/AAAAAAAAAQU/lCfbmPvuu2w/s1600-h/2009-ChristmasCardFinal.jpg"><img id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5436453526735674770" style="FLOAT: left; MARGIN: 0px 10px 10px 0px; WIDTH: 400px; CURSOR: hand; HEIGHT: 133px" alt="" src="http://1.bp.blogspot.com/_1rwC6lxspBs/S3IprdL_3ZI/AAAAAAAAAQU/lCfbmPvuu2w/s400/2009-ChristmasCardFinal.jpg" border="0" /></a><br /><div></div>Bobhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/16135646240130640507noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7703473637470588291.post-12061058423641837642009-11-13T10:25:00.019-05:002012-02-24T10:42:45.379-05:00Marginalia<span style="font-size: small;">Going back over my notebooks, I find the oddest things scrawled in the margins. Relics of some passing fancy, quickly written and as quickly forgotten. Then, when I come across them sometimes years later, I often wonder, "What was I thinking?"<br /><br />Here are a few things I have found in those notebooks.<br /><br />______<br /><br />William was a good boy, as good as he could be<br />And William had a little sheep, so fine and soft and wee.<br />But William was a big boy, bigger than Uncle Fred.<br />Yes, William was a big boy … and now that sheep is dead.<br /><br />…<br /><br />(Sung to the tune of “Yankee Doodle.”)<br /><br />Deutschland, Deutschland uber alles,<br />Goose step all o’er the pla-ace.<br />We can do whatever we want,<br />We are the Master Ra-ace.<br /><br />Germans, Germans, ve are good,<br />Germans, ve are grea-eat.<br />Ve dominate the ones we love<br />And kill the ones we ha-ate!<br /><br />...<br /><br />Herpes burn day to you,<br />Herpes burn day to you.<br />Herpes burn day, herpes burn day,<br />Herpes burn day to you!<br /><br />…<br /><br />Aardvark, aardvark come out and play,<br />Suck up dem ants on a bright sunny day.<br />You’ve eaten dem ants ever since you was young.<br />Put yo face on de ground and dey stick on yo tongue.<br />Sho nuff.<br /><br />…<br /><br />Fire can heal, fire can burn us,<br />Fire will thrive on wood or coal.<br />Never reach inside a furnace,<br />Always poke it with a pole.<br /><br />…<br /><br />All around the carpenter’s bench<br />The Muslim chased the Jesus.<br />The Muslim thought ’twas all in fun,<br />Pop! Goes the Jesus …<br /><br />…<br /><br />Hunter’s arrow squarely sings<br />Toward the children on the swings.<br />Fred and Ethel are reviled<br />Lucy likes her cabbage biled.<br />Spicy jalapeño poppers,<br />Kmart saying “Hello shoppers,”<br />Perry Como, Dean and Bing,<br />This little song don’t mean a thing.</span><br />
<br />
<span style="font-size: small;">...</span><br />
<br />
<span style="font-size: small;">Long the shadows on Autumn’s eve<br />The sun sets … I rejoice.<br />“God,” I think, “I believe.”<br />I give the thought a voice.<br />Brown the leaves that tend to fall<br />Among the bowers bare,<br />As God above marks my call<br />And then ignores my prayer.</span><br />
<br />
<span style="font-size: small;">...</span><br />
<br />
<span style="font-size: small;">Lorem gypsum color cement, consecrate teeter adipose lint.<br />Damn no hominy, deuce ode temper, indecent labor, Dolores whimper.</span><br />
<br />
<span style="font-size: small;">...</span><br />
<br />
<span style="font-size: small;">England mourns her poet lost,<br />The late and good Lord Tennyson.<br />No finer dear has tempest tossed,<br />But that - my deer - is venison.</span><br />
<br />
<span style="font-size: small;">...</span><br />
<br />
<span style="font-size: small;">The rose is red, the violet is blue<br />I went to the dance and so did you.<br />At the wedding I tried to explain to your maw,<br />I don't really love you ... I drew the short straw.</span><br />
<br />
<span style="font-size: small;">...</span><br />
<br />
<span style="font-size: small;">Warm cat vomit<br />On a winter's night<br />Is cold come morning.</span><br />
<span style="font-size: small;"></span><br />
<span style="font-size: small;"><br /></span><br />
<span style="font-size: small;">...</span><br />
<br />
<span style="font-size: small;">I've never seen a pig in a poke.</span><br />
<span style="font-size: small;">I never hope to see one.</span><br />
<span style="font-size: small;">At least I know, when times are tough,</span><br />
<span style="font-size: small;">I'd rather Weee! than be one.</span><br />
<span style="font-size: small;"><br /></span><br />
<div style="font-family: inherit;">
<span style="font-size: small;">...</span></div>
<div style="font-family: inherit; margin: 0in 0in 0pt;">
<br />
<span style="font-size: small;">I’ve never seen a sacred cow,</span></div>
<div style="font-family: inherit; margin: 0in 0in 0pt;">
<span style="font-size: small;">I never hope to see one.</span></div>
<div style="font-family: inherit; margin: 0in 0in 0pt;">
<span style="font-size: small;">But from what’s on the news right now,</span></div>
<div style="font-family: inherit; margin: 0in 0in 0pt;">
<span style="font-size: small;">I know that there must be one.</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="font-family: inherit; margin-bottom: 0pt;">
<span style="font-size: small;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="font-family: inherit; margin-bottom: 0pt;">
<span style="font-size: small;">...</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="font-family: inherit; margin-bottom: 0pt;">
<br />
<span style="font-size: small;">In the fell clutch of circumstance</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="font-family: inherit; margin-bottom: 0pt;">
<span style="font-size: small;">I’ve never winced nor cursed my load.</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="font-family: inherit; margin-bottom: 0pt;">
<span style="font-size: small;">Under the bludgeonings of chance</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="font-family: inherit; margin-bottom: 0pt;">
<span style="font-size: small;">My head is bloody, but unbowed.</span><br />
<br />
<span style="font-size: small;">...</span><br />
<span style="font-size: small;"></span><br />
<br />
I went to Japan, I sat in a fancy tub.<br />
You won’t believe-a what I saw-a!<br />
I got a "thorough" body rub,<br />
And I brought home an Ichikawa.<br />
<span style="font-size: small;"></span></div>
...<br />
<br />
Violets are blue,<br />
Roses are red.<br />
I’m stalking you ...<br />
I’m under your bed.<br />
...<br />
<br />
Prostate! Prostate! He’s our gland! <br />
<br />
If you can’t reach it, no one can!<br />
<br />
Raw Raw Raw!<br />
<br />Bobhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/16135646240130640507noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7703473637470588291.post-39388845938805608842009-10-31T14:36:00.021-04:002021-09-09T01:15:48.644-04:00A Manor of Speaking Preface<p class="MsoBodyText"></p><p class="MsoBodyText"><span face=""Calibri",sans-serif" style="font-size: 11pt; mso-ascii-theme-font: minor-latin; mso-bidi-theme-font: minor-latin; mso-hansi-theme-font: minor-latin;"><o:p> </o:p></span></p>
<p class="MsoBodyText" style="line-height: 115%;"><span face=""Calibri",sans-serif" style="font-size: 11pt; line-height: 115%; mso-ascii-theme-font: minor-latin; mso-bidi-theme-font: minor-latin; mso-hansi-theme-font: minor-latin;">I’d<span style="letter-spacing: -0.1pt;"> </span>write<span style="letter-spacing: -0.1pt;"> </span>an<span style="letter-spacing: -0.05pt;"> </span>Almanack<span style="letter-spacing: -0.15pt;">
</span>if<span style="letter-spacing: -0.05pt;"> </span>I<span style="letter-spacing: -0.1pt;"> </span>could.<span style="letter-spacing: 3.5pt;"> </span>That’s<span style="letter-spacing: -0.1pt;"> </span>always <span style="letter-spacing: -3.4pt;"><span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span></span>been a good forum for pithy sayings.<span style="letter-spacing: 0.05pt;"> </span>God<span style="letter-spacing: 0.05pt;"> </span>knows<span style="letter-spacing: -0.05pt;"> </span>I’m<span style="letter-spacing: -0.15pt;"> </span>full<span style="letter-spacing: -0.1pt;"> </span>of<span style="letter-spacing: -0.05pt;"> </span>pith.<span style="letter-spacing: 0.15pt;"> </span>I<span style="letter-spacing: -0.05pt;"> </span>can
barely<span style="letter-spacing: -0.15pt;"> </span>hold it<span style="letter-spacing: -0.1pt;"> </span>in.<o:p></o:p></span></p>
<p class="MsoBodyText"><span face="Calibri, sans-serif" style="font-size: 11pt;">(I’d leave
all that weather and crop stuff out of my</span><span face="Calibri, sans-serif" style="font-size: 11pt; letter-spacing: 0.05pt;"> </span><span face="Calibri, sans-serif" style="font-size: 11pt;">Almanack,
though.</span><span face="Calibri, sans-serif" style="font-size: 11pt; letter-spacing: 0.05pt;"> </span><span face="Calibri, sans-serif" style="font-size: 11pt;">You want the weather?</span><span face="Calibri, sans-serif" style="font-size: 11pt; letter-spacing: 0.05pt;"> </span><span face="Calibri, sans-serif" style="font-size: 11pt;">Here’s the </span><span face="Calibri, sans-serif" style="font-size: 11pt;">weather:</span><span face="Calibri, sans-serif" style="font-size: 11pt; letter-spacing: 0.05pt;"> </span><span face="Calibri, sans-serif" style="font-size: 11pt;">It’s hot in
Summer, cold in Winter, and …</span><span face="Calibri, sans-serif" style="font-size: 11pt; letter-spacing: 0.05pt;"> </span><span face="Calibri, sans-serif" style="font-size: 11pt;">eh! …
the other parts of the year are somewhere in</span><span face="Calibri, sans-serif" style="font-size: 11pt; letter-spacing: 0.05pt;">
</span><span face="Calibri, sans-serif" style="font-size: 11pt;">between.</span><span face="Calibri, sans-serif" style="font-size: 11pt; letter-spacing: 0.05pt;"> </span><span face="Calibri, sans-serif" style="font-size: 11pt;">You want planting
advice?</span><span face="Calibri, sans-serif" style="font-size: 11pt; letter-spacing: 0.05pt;"> </span><span face="Calibri, sans-serif" style="font-size: 11pt;">Plant stuff when it’s warm,
pick stuff when it gets ripe.</span><span face="Calibri, sans-serif" style="font-size: 11pt; letter-spacing: 0.05pt;"> </span><span face="Calibri, sans-serif" style="font-size: 11pt;">Rotate
your</span><span face="Calibri, sans-serif" style="font-size: 11pt; letter-spacing: 0.05pt;"> </span><span face="Calibri, sans-serif" style="font-size: 11pt;">crops.</span><span face="Calibri, sans-serif" style="font-size: 11pt; letter-spacing: 3.45pt;"> </span><span face="Calibri, sans-serif" style="font-size: 11pt;">How</span><span face="Calibri, sans-serif" style="font-size: 11pt; letter-spacing: -0.1pt;"> </span><span face="Calibri, sans-serif" style="font-size: 11pt;">hard</span><span face="Calibri, sans-serif" style="font-size: 11pt; letter-spacing: -0.05pt;"> </span><span face="Calibri, sans-serif" style="font-size: 11pt;">is</span><span face="Calibri, sans-serif" style="font-size: 11pt; letter-spacing: -0.05pt;"> </span><span face="Calibri, sans-serif" style="font-size: 11pt;">that?</span><span face="Calibri, sans-serif" style="font-size: 11pt; letter-spacing: 3.4pt;"> </span><span face="Calibri, sans-serif" style="font-size: 11pt;">It’s</span><span face="Calibri, sans-serif" style="font-size: 11pt; letter-spacing: -0.1pt;"> </span><span face="Calibri, sans-serif" style="font-size: 11pt;">the</span><span face="Calibri, sans-serif" style="font-size: 11pt; letter-spacing: -0.05pt;"> </span><span face="Calibri, sans-serif" style="font-size: 11pt;">Agronomy,</span><span face="Calibri, sans-serif" style="font-size: 11pt; letter-spacing: -0.05pt;"> </span><span face="Calibri, sans-serif" style="font-size: 11pt;">stupid!)</span></p>
<p class="MsoBodyText"><span face="Calibri, sans-serif" style="font-size: 11pt;">Alas,</span><span face="Calibri, sans-serif" style="font-size: 11pt; letter-spacing: 0.35pt;"> </span><span face="Calibri, sans-serif" style="font-size: 11pt;">I’m</span><span face="Calibri, sans-serif" style="font-size: 11pt; letter-spacing: 0.25pt;"> </span><span face="Calibri, sans-serif" style="font-size: 11pt;">not</span><span face="Calibri, sans-serif" style="font-size: 11pt; letter-spacing: 0.3pt;"> </span><span face="Calibri, sans-serif" style="font-size: 11pt;">cut</span><span face="Calibri, sans-serif" style="font-size: 11pt; letter-spacing: 0.3pt;"> </span><span face="Calibri, sans-serif" style="font-size: 11pt;">out</span><span face="Calibri, sans-serif" style="font-size: 11pt; letter-spacing: 0.3pt;"> </span><span face="Calibri, sans-serif" style="font-size: 11pt;">to</span><span face="Calibri, sans-serif" style="font-size: 11pt; letter-spacing: 0.4pt;"> </span><span face="Calibri, sans-serif" style="font-size: 11pt;">write</span><span face="Calibri, sans-serif" style="font-size: 11pt; letter-spacing: 0.35pt;"> </span><span face="Calibri, sans-serif" style="font-size: 11pt;">an</span><span face="Calibri, sans-serif" style="font-size: 11pt; letter-spacing: 0.45pt;"> </span><span face="Calibri, sans-serif" style="font-size: 11pt;">Almanack.</span><span face="Calibri, sans-serif" style="font-size: 11pt; letter-spacing: 3.9pt;"> </span><span face="Calibri, sans-serif" style="font-size: 11pt;">I’m</span><span face="Calibri, sans-serif" style="font-size: 11pt; letter-spacing: 0.25pt;"> </span><span face="Calibri, sans-serif" style="font-size: 11pt;">no</span><span face="Calibri, sans-serif" style="font-size: 11pt; letter-spacing: 0.05pt;"> </span><span face="Calibri, sans-serif" style="font-size: 11pt;">Ben freaking Franklin!</span><span face="Calibri, sans-serif" style="font-size: 11pt; letter-spacing: 3.55pt;"> </span><span face="Calibri, sans-serif" style="font-size: 11pt;">My meager kite wouldn’t be</span><span face="Calibri, sans-serif" style="font-size: 11pt; letter-spacing: 0.05pt;"> </span><span face="Calibri, sans-serif" style="font-size: 11pt;">struck</span><span face="Calibri, sans-serif" style="font-size: 11pt; letter-spacing: -0.05pt;">
</span><span face="Calibri, sans-serif" style="font-size: 11pt;">by</span><span face="Calibri, sans-serif" style="font-size: 11pt; letter-spacing: -0.1pt;"> </span><span face="Calibri, sans-serif" style="font-size: 11pt;">lightning</span><span face="Calibri, sans-serif" style="font-size: 11pt; letter-spacing: -0.1pt;"> </span><span face="Calibri, sans-serif" style="font-size: 11pt;">if</span><span face="Calibri, sans-serif" style="font-size: 11pt; letter-spacing: -0.05pt;"> </span><span face="Calibri, sans-serif" style="font-size: 11pt;">I</span><span face="Calibri, sans-serif" style="font-size: 11pt; letter-spacing: -0.1pt;"> </span><span face="Calibri, sans-serif" style="font-size: 11pt;">held</span><span face="Calibri, sans-serif" style="font-size: 11pt; letter-spacing: -0.1pt;"> </span><span face="Calibri, sans-serif" style="font-size: 11pt;">a</span><span face="Calibri, sans-serif" style="font-size: 11pt; letter-spacing: -0.15pt;"> </span><span face="Calibri, sans-serif" style="font-size: 11pt;">fish</span><span face="Calibri, sans-serif" style="font-size: 11pt; letter-spacing: -0.05pt;"> </span><span face="Calibri, sans-serif" style="font-size: 11pt;">in</span><span face="Calibri, sans-serif" style="font-size: 11pt; letter-spacing: -0.1pt;"> </span><span face="Calibri, sans-serif" style="font-size: 11pt;">my</span><span face="Calibri, sans-serif" style="font-size: 11pt; letter-spacing: -0.15pt;"> </span><span face="Calibri, sans-serif" style="font-size: 11pt;">mouth
and</span><span face="Calibri, sans-serif" style="font-size: 11pt; letter-spacing: -0.05pt;"> blew </span><span face="Calibri, sans-serif" style="font-size: 11pt;">a whistle.</span><span face="Calibri, sans-serif" style="font-size: 11pt; letter-spacing: 0.05pt;"> </span><span face="Calibri, sans-serif" style="font-size: 11pt;">Or
whatever else might tickle St. Elmo.</span><span face="Calibri, sans-serif" style="font-size: 11pt; letter-spacing: 0.05pt;"> </span><span face="Calibri, sans-serif" style="font-size: 11pt;">I’d</span><span face="Calibri, sans-serif" style="font-size: 11pt; letter-spacing: 0.05pt;"> </span><span face="Calibri, sans-serif" style="font-size: 11pt;">make</span><span face="Calibri, sans-serif" style="font-size: 11pt; letter-spacing: -0.1pt;"> </span><span face="Calibri, sans-serif" style="font-size: 11pt;">a</span><span face="Calibri, sans-serif" style="font-size: 11pt; letter-spacing: -0.05pt;"> </span><span face="Calibri, sans-serif" style="font-size: 11pt;">Poor</span><span face="Calibri, sans-serif" style="font-size: 11pt; letter-spacing: -0.05pt;"> </span><span face="Calibri, sans-serif" style="font-size: 11pt;">Richard,
indeed.</span></p>
<p class="MsoBodyText"><span face="Calibri, sans-serif" style="font-size: 11pt;">I’ve
considered other media as a means of expressing my thoughts</span><span face="Calibri, sans-serif" style="font-size: 11pt;">, observations and abject cynicism.</span><span face="Calibri, sans-serif" style="font-size: 11pt; letter-spacing: 3.55pt;"> </span><span face="Calibri, sans-serif" style="font-size: 11pt;">I could draft a dictionary like Dr.
Johnson; I could proffer proverbs</span><span face="Calibri, sans-serif" style="font-size: 11pt; letter-spacing: 0.05pt;"> </span><span face="Calibri, sans-serif" style="font-size: 11pt;">for
fortune cookies, like Confucius; I could wrangle</span><span face="Calibri, sans-serif" style="font-size: 11pt; letter-spacing: 0.05pt;"> </span><span face="Calibri, sans-serif" style="font-size: 11pt;">witticisms for bubble gum, like Bazooka Joe.</span><span face="Calibri, sans-serif" style="font-size: 11pt; letter-spacing: 0.05pt;"> </span><span face="Calibri, sans-serif" style="font-size: 11pt;">If I were a legendary copy editor like …
well … um … there are no</span><span face="Calibri, sans-serif" style="font-size: 11pt; letter-spacing: 0.05pt;"> </span><span face="Calibri, sans-serif" style="font-size: 11pt;">legendary</span><span face="Calibri, sans-serif" style="font-size: 11pt; letter-spacing: 0.05pt;"> </span><span face="Calibri, sans-serif" style="font-size: 11pt;">copy</span><span face="Calibri, sans-serif" style="font-size: 11pt; letter-spacing: 0.05pt;"> </span><span face="Calibri, sans-serif" style="font-size: 11pt;">editors.</span><span face="Calibri, sans-serif" style="font-size: 11pt; letter-spacing: 3.65pt;"> </span><span face="Calibri, sans-serif" style="font-size: 11pt;">But,</span><span face="Calibri, sans-serif" style="font-size: 11pt; letter-spacing: 0.1pt;"> </span><span face="Calibri, sans-serif" style="font-size: 11pt;">if</span><span face="Calibri, sans-serif" style="font-size: 11pt; letter-spacing: 0.1pt;"> </span><span face="Calibri, sans-serif" style="font-size: 11pt;">I</span><span face="Calibri, sans-serif" style="font-size: 11pt; letter-spacing: 0.1pt;"> </span><span face="Calibri, sans-serif" style="font-size: 11pt;">were</span><span face="Calibri, sans-serif" style="font-size: 11pt; letter-spacing: 0.1pt;"> </span><span face="Calibri, sans-serif" style="font-size: 11pt;">one,</span><span face="Calibri, sans-serif" style="font-size: 11pt; letter-spacing: 0.15pt;"> </span><span face="Calibri, sans-serif" style="font-size: 11pt;">I</span><span face="Calibri, sans-serif" style="font-size: 11pt; letter-spacing: 0.1pt;"> </span><span face="Calibri, sans-serif" style="font-size: 11pt;">could</span><span face="Calibri, sans-serif" style="font-size: 11pt; letter-spacing: 0.05pt;"> </span><span face="Calibri, sans-serif" style="font-size: 11pt;">really</span><span face="Calibri, sans-serif" style="font-size: 11pt; letter-spacing: -0.1pt;"> </span><span face="Calibri, sans-serif" style="font-size: 11pt;">make</span><span face="Calibri, sans-serif" style="font-size: 11pt; letter-spacing: 0.1pt;"> </span><span face="Calibri, sans-serif" style="font-size: 11pt;">a</span><span face="Calibri, sans-serif" style="font-size: 11pt; letter-spacing: -0.1pt;"> </span><span face="Calibri, sans-serif" style="font-size: 11pt;">newspaper headline</span><span face="Calibri, sans-serif" style="font-size: 11pt; letter-spacing: 0.05pt;"> </span><span face="Calibri, sans-serif" style="font-size: 11pt;">sing!</span></p>
<p class="MsoBodyText"><span face="Calibri, sans-serif" style="font-size: 11pt;">Sure, I could
poo on the path of the greatest</span><span face="Calibri, sans-serif" style="font-size: 11pt; letter-spacing: 0.05pt;"> </span><span face="Calibri, sans-serif" style="font-size: 11pt;">aphorists
in history, feebly following the scent of what others have done </span><span face="Calibri, sans-serif" style="font-size: 11pt;">before,</span><span face="Calibri, sans-serif" style="font-size: 11pt; letter-spacing: 0.05pt;"> p</span><span face="Calibri, sans-serif" style="font-size: 11pt;">iddling puns and sniffing the</span><span face="Calibri, sans-serif" style="font-size: 11pt; letter-spacing: 0.05pt;"> </span><span face="Calibri, sans-serif" style="font-size: 11pt;">butts</span><span face="Calibri, sans-serif" style="font-size: 11pt; letter-spacing: -0.15pt;"> </span><span face="Calibri, sans-serif" style="font-size: 11pt;">of</span><span face="Calibri, sans-serif" style="font-size: 11pt; letter-spacing: -0.05pt;"> </span><span face="Calibri, sans-serif" style="font-size: 11pt;">my
betters.</span><span face="Calibri, sans-serif" style="font-size: 11pt; letter-spacing: 3.5pt;"> </span><span face="Calibri, sans-serif" style="font-size: 11pt;">But</span><span face="Calibri, sans-serif" style="font-size: 11pt; letter-spacing: -0.15pt;"> </span><span face="Calibri, sans-serif" style="font-size: 11pt;">I’ll</span><span face="Calibri, sans-serif" style="font-size: 11pt; letter-spacing: -0.15pt;"> </span><span face="Calibri, sans-serif" style="font-size: 11pt;">never</span><span face="Calibri, sans-serif" style="font-size: 11pt; letter-spacing: -0.05pt;"> </span><span face="Calibri, sans-serif" style="font-size: 11pt;">make</span><span face="Calibri, sans-serif" style="font-size: 11pt; letter-spacing: 0.05pt;"> </span><span face="Calibri, sans-serif" style="font-size: 11pt;">my</span><span face="Calibri, sans-serif" style="font-size: 11pt; letter-spacing: -0.1pt;"> </span><span face="Calibri, sans-serif" style="font-size: 11pt;">own</span><span face="Calibri, sans-serif" style="font-size: 11pt; letter-spacing: -0.05pt;"> mark
</span><span face="Calibri, sans-serif" style="font-size: 11pt;">no</span><span face="Calibri, sans-serif" style="font-size: 11pt; letter-spacing: -0.05pt;"> </span><span face="Calibri, sans-serif" style="font-size: 11pt;">matter how doggedly</span><span face="Calibri, sans-serif" style="font-size: 11pt; letter-spacing: -0.1pt;"> </span><span face="Calibri, sans-serif" style="font-size: 11pt;">I try.</span></p>
<p class="MsoBodyText"><span face="Calibri, sans-serif" style="font-size: 11pt;">Then,</span><span face="Calibri, sans-serif" style="font-size: 11pt; letter-spacing: -0.15pt;"> </span><span face="Calibri, sans-serif" style="font-size: 11pt;">along</span><span face="Calibri, sans-serif" style="font-size: 11pt; letter-spacing: -0.15pt;"> </span><span face="Calibri, sans-serif" style="font-size: 11pt;">came</span><span face="Calibri, sans-serif" style="font-size: 11pt; letter-spacing: -0.1pt;"> </span><span face="Calibri, sans-serif" style="font-size: 11pt;">the</span><span face="Calibri, sans-serif" style="font-size: 11pt; letter-spacing: -0.15pt;"> </span><span face="Calibri, sans-serif" style="font-size: 11pt;">Facebook</span><span face="Calibri, sans-serif" style="font-size: 11pt; letter-spacing: -0.15pt;">
</span><span face="Calibri, sans-serif" style="font-size: 11pt;">status. Guess what I stepped in?</span></p>
<p class="MsoBodyText"><span face="Calibri, sans-serif" style="font-size: 11pt;">The</span><span face="Calibri, sans-serif" style="font-size: 11pt; letter-spacing: -0.1pt;"> </span><span face="Calibri, sans-serif" style="font-size: 11pt;">Facebook</span><span face="Calibri, sans-serif" style="font-size: 11pt; letter-spacing: -0.1pt;">
</span><span face="Calibri, sans-serif" style="font-size: 11pt;">status</span><span face="Calibri, sans-serif" style="font-size: 11pt; letter-spacing: -0.05pt;"> </span><span face="Calibri, sans-serif" style="font-size: 11pt;">was </span><span face="Calibri, sans-serif" style="font-size: 11pt;">ideal</span><span face="Calibri, sans-serif" style="font-size: 11pt; letter-spacing: -0.15pt;"> </span><span face="Calibri, sans-serif" style="font-size: 11pt;">for</span><span face="Calibri, sans-serif" style="font-size: 11pt; letter-spacing: -0.1pt;"> </span><span face="Calibri, sans-serif" style="font-size: 11pt;">the</span><span face="Calibri, sans-serif" style="font-size: 11pt; letter-spacing: -0.05pt;"> </span><span face="Calibri, sans-serif" style="font-size: 11pt;">expression </span><span face="Calibri, sans-serif" style="font-size: 11pt; letter-spacing: -3.45pt;"> </span><span face="Calibri, sans-serif" style="font-size: 11pt;">of epigrams, aphorisms and adages.</span><span face="Calibri, sans-serif" style="font-size: 11pt; letter-spacing: 3.55pt;"> </span><span face="Calibri, sans-serif" style="font-size: 11pt;">It was an</span><span face="Calibri, sans-serif" style="font-size: 11pt; letter-spacing: 0.05pt;">
</span><span face="Calibri, sans-serif" style="font-size: 11pt;">underutilized</span><span face="Calibri, sans-serif" style="font-size: 11pt; letter-spacing: -0.1pt;"> </span><span face="Calibri, sans-serif" style="font-size: 11pt;">medium,</span><span face="Calibri, sans-serif" style="font-size: 11pt; letter-spacing: -0.1pt;"> </span><span face="Calibri, sans-serif" style="font-size: 11pt;">one</span><span face="Calibri, sans-serif" style="font-size: 11pt; letter-spacing: -0.1pt;"> </span><span face="Calibri, sans-serif" style="font-size: 11pt;">which,</span><span face="Calibri, sans-serif" style="font-size: 11pt; letter-spacing: -0.2pt;"> </span><span face="Calibri, sans-serif" style="font-size: 11pt;">in the</span><span face="Calibri, sans-serif" style="font-size: 11pt; letter-spacing: -0.1pt;"> </span><span face="Calibri, sans-serif" style="font-size: 11pt;">proper</span><span face="Calibri, sans-serif" style="font-size: 11pt; letter-spacing: -0.05pt;"> </span><span face="Calibri, sans-serif" style="font-size: 11pt;">cheeky, impudent hands, could easily be
elevated to an art form.</span><span face="Calibri, sans-serif" style="font-size: 11pt; letter-spacing: -3.45pt;"> </span><span face="Calibri, sans-serif" style="font-size: 11pt;">Unfortunately, from what I’ve seen, most
people </span><span face="Calibri, sans-serif" style="font-size: 11pt;">on Facebook couldn’t grab
their sass with both</span><span face="Calibri, sans-serif" style="font-size: 11pt; letter-spacing: 0.05pt;"> </span><span face="Calibri, sans-serif" style="font-size: 11pt;">hands.</span><span face="Calibri, sans-serif" style="font-size: 11pt; letter-spacing: 0.05pt;"> </span><span face="Calibri, sans-serif" style="font-size: 11pt;">But — boyoboyoboy! — this was my chance to</span><span face="Calibri, sans-serif" style="font-size: 11pt; letter-spacing: 0.05pt;"> </span><span face="Calibri, sans-serif" style="font-size: 11pt;">shine!</span></p>
<p class="MsoBodyText"><span face="Calibri, sans-serif" style="font-size: 11pt;">So, I put my
laconic wit to work and assembled a superfluity of statuses; a conglomeration of
quotidian quotables.</span><span face="Calibri, sans-serif" style="font-size: 11pt; letter-spacing: 0.05pt;"> </span><span face="Calibri, sans-serif" style="font-size: 11pt;">I</span><span face="Calibri, sans-serif" style="font-size: 11pt; letter-spacing: 0.05pt;"> </span><span face="Calibri, sans-serif" style="font-size: 11pt;">present here epigrams, bon mots, frivolous
and</span><span face="Calibri, sans-serif" style="font-size: 11pt; letter-spacing: 0.05pt;"> </span><span face="Calibri, sans-serif" style="font-size: 11pt;">meaningless wordplay that </span><span face="Calibri, sans-serif" style="font-size: 11pt; letter-spacing: -3.5pt;"> </span><span face="Calibri, sans-serif" style="font-size: 11pt;">might
make you titter a bit or maybe say, “Well … that guy’s weird.”</span></p>
<p class="MsoBodyText"><span face="Calibri, sans-serif" style="font-size: 11pt; text-align: justify;">At the end of the day, I may be no Oscar Wilde or </span><span face="Calibri, sans-serif" style="font-size: 11pt; text-align: justify;">Dorothy Parker, but if I gave you a gainly grin, my bass </span><span face="Calibri, sans-serif" style="font-size: 11pt; text-align: justify;">humor</span><span face="Calibri, sans-serif" style="font-size: 11pt; letter-spacing: -0.1pt; text-align: justify;"> </span><span face="Calibri, sans-serif" style="font-size: 11pt; text-align: justify;">was worth all the treble.</span></p><br /><p></p>Bobhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/16135646240130640507noreply@blogger.com0