NEW YORK (Reuters) — In a continued effort of “right-sizing,” Jack Morton Worldwide today announced that it would eliminate two of the three faces of its logo. Gone will be “Insight” and “Action,” leaving only “Indifference.”
Increased pressure to meet its financial obligations by its parent, the struggling Interpublic Group of Companies, prompted Jack Morton to make the difficult decision to eliminate two of the three faces of the logo it first presented to the world in 2000.
“For many years, Insight and Action have played a vital role in the success of this company,” says CEO Josh McCall. “I believe Jack Morton still has a strong and dedicated presence poised to meet the challenges of the 21st century armed with Indifference alone.”
“When the economy stabilizes,” Says McCall, “Insight and Action could again become valued aspects of our culture ... after a rigorous interview process.”
Reactions from Jack Morton’s clients are varied. Doug Daft, outgoing Chairman and CEO of The Coca-Cola Company, was heard to comment, “Eh!”
Robert Nardelli, CEO of The Home Depot, released a statement through his attorney stating, “O.K.”
In a similar move in Q3 of 2003, Jack Morton eliminated two of its three values, “Trust, Respect, Agility,” leaving only Agility. Jack Morton Employees exemplified the remaining value by emptying more than 600 offices at an estimated 800 boxes per day in less than a week.
In response to the remaining icon, “Indifference,” Chairman Bill Morton stated, “Whatever!” Founder Jack Morton, contacted at his residence in Florida, was heard to say, “Mammy?”
Charlotte Merrell, Jack Morton’s Executive Vice President of Human Resources, when contacted by our staff, simply laughed.
____________
May 25, 2004
NEW YORK (Reuters) — In a related story, the 600 employees downsized by Jack Morton in 2003 have been reassigned to Interpublic’s flagship company, McCann-Erickson, as receptionists.
Tuesday, May 25, 2004
Saturday, September 30, 2000
Correspondence: Fall, 2000
Nine o’clock came and went unnoticed. I put a load of laundry in to dry and one in to wash and played a game of checkers with my niece. Then, off to deal with the vicissitudes of sobriety. My remaining waking hours were a study in tedium. If, as Voltaire said, “Work saves us from three great evils: boredom, vice and need,” so do vice and need save us from boredom. As I had already worked, then eliminated the vice, all that was left was a sense of mind-numbing ennui.
It was after I went to sleep that things took a turn. I suppose at some point my neurons got tired of looking for Jagermeister and tried to find some way to amuse themselves. My unfettered mind started dreaming the dreams of the damned — aliens, mutants, plane crashes, old girlfriends, saving a drowning kitten. Had I been awake, it would more rightly have been called a psychotic episode. From my experience, though, this lasts only a night or two before old patterns re-establish themselves and I’ll sleep like a babe.
How’s the cigarette thing going? Any craziness?
____________
Night two with no Jager. It was like opening the shutters on the window to my soul, allowing an uncomfortable amount of introspection. That’s probably why I don’t do this too often; I see too many wrong choices and too much wasted time. I did think of several things that need to be written as soon as I get my computer fixed. Drop the booze, find the muse, I guess.
____________
A pall has settled over the office as we realize the last UPS pickup is looming before us and we are almost certainly going to miss our deadline with the candy client. It’s time I started working on backup plans to get the stuff to the client, because I know it will come to that. And yet, as I steel myself for a late night of last minutes, I don’t really care about “communicating the functional benefits of hunger satisfaction” ... I just want to take a nap.
It was after I went to sleep that things took a turn. I suppose at some point my neurons got tired of looking for Jagermeister and tried to find some way to amuse themselves. My unfettered mind started dreaming the dreams of the damned — aliens, mutants, plane crashes, old girlfriends, saving a drowning kitten. Had I been awake, it would more rightly have been called a psychotic episode. From my experience, though, this lasts only a night or two before old patterns re-establish themselves and I’ll sleep like a babe.
How’s the cigarette thing going? Any craziness?
____________
Night two with no Jager. It was like opening the shutters on the window to my soul, allowing an uncomfortable amount of introspection. That’s probably why I don’t do this too often; I see too many wrong choices and too much wasted time. I did think of several things that need to be written as soon as I get my computer fixed. Drop the booze, find the muse, I guess.
____________
A pall has settled over the office as we realize the last UPS pickup is looming before us and we are almost certainly going to miss our deadline with the candy client. It’s time I started working on backup plans to get the stuff to the client, because I know it will come to that. And yet, as I steel myself for a late night of last minutes, I don’t really care about “communicating the functional benefits of hunger satisfaction” ... I just want to take a nap.
Thursday, March 9, 2000
Correspondence: March, 2000
March 3, 2000
… I’m looking forward to the exercise from the Frisbee. I want my chest to stick out farther than my stomach like it did when I was in my twenties.
____________
Hey, I’m old! But for a little short guy, I can JUMP!
____________
Actually, I spent quite a bit of time growing up on my aunt’s and uncle’s farm in Tennessee. I was the one that the girls beat up.
____________
Never! (Although I did break a kid’s nose once)
____________
He crossed me, man, so I clocked him in the nose with a rock. He was a couple of years older than me, but he deserved it.
I found out later from his little brother that after the incident he was found getting a .22 out of the garage to come and get me. I defended myself well the first time, but I might not have done as well if the kid was packing heat.
March 9, 2000
I’m about to have lunch with my significant mother to celebrate my 25th birthday. I always celebrate that one because it was good.
____________
That would be keen. It would be good to have some pictures of me on show site to remind my superiors to let me go again. I need to get out there in the real world more; I get that trapped feeling in my little office. So the next time y’all have a meeting, be sure to ask for me by name — accept no substitutes.
____________
The good thing about being a CREATIVE Coordinator is that when you DO goof off you can always claim that you were “ideating.” That gets you points for being creative and extra points for using a buzz-word.
It’s almost time to slip out early and go to Grady’s. I made Pete the bartender card me last night so he would notice my date of birth and give me free drinks tonight. I hope it worked.
____________
Otherwise, all is well here in Atlanta. ... Give my best to everyone down there I know. Ciao! (Or, if you’re from the South, “Cow!”)
… I’m looking forward to the exercise from the Frisbee. I want my chest to stick out farther than my stomach like it did when I was in my twenties.
____________
Hey, I’m old! But for a little short guy, I can JUMP!
____________
Actually, I spent quite a bit of time growing up on my aunt’s and uncle’s farm in Tennessee. I was the one that the girls beat up.
____________
Never! (Although I did break a kid’s nose once)
____________
He crossed me, man, so I clocked him in the nose with a rock. He was a couple of years older than me, but he deserved it.
I found out later from his little brother that after the incident he was found getting a .22 out of the garage to come and get me. I defended myself well the first time, but I might not have done as well if the kid was packing heat.
March 9, 2000
I’m about to have lunch with my significant mother to celebrate my 25th birthday. I always celebrate that one because it was good.
____________
That would be keen. It would be good to have some pictures of me on show site to remind my superiors to let me go again. I need to get out there in the real world more; I get that trapped feeling in my little office. So the next time y’all have a meeting, be sure to ask for me by name — accept no substitutes.
____________
The good thing about being a CREATIVE Coordinator is that when you DO goof off you can always claim that you were “ideating.” That gets you points for being creative and extra points for using a buzz-word.
It’s almost time to slip out early and go to Grady’s. I made Pete the bartender card me last night so he would notice my date of birth and give me free drinks tonight. I hope it worked.
____________
Otherwise, all is well here in Atlanta. ... Give my best to everyone down there I know. Ciao! (Or, if you’re from the South, “Cow!”)
Thursday, June 24, 1999
Correspondence: June 24, 1999
To Various Co-Workers
Date: 06/24/99 11:32
Subject: Robert’s Office
... As you know, I feel some measure of responsibility for Robert and consider that my job of coordinating his affairs continues even when he is out of the office. During the 11:00 rattling of his cabinet, I discovered that the hinges were a little squeaky, so I took some WD-40 and sprayed it liberally over the hinges and deep into the cracks and crevices. I am pleased to report that the cabinet is performing perfectly now. If any other anomalies present themselves during the 12:00 rattling of his cabinet, I will let you know.
Ever vigilant in my endeavor to keep Robert coordinated, I remain
Bob
PS- You were right. Turning on the pretty lights in his office and lighting the candle to symbolically guide him safely back to us has lessened my separation anxiety.
____________
Date: 06/24/99 12:29
Subject: Robert’s Office
... Can you bring me the vacuum? During the 12:00 rattling of the cabinet, I was so intent on discharging my duty swiftly and efficiently that I completely forgot the cookie in my hand. In my haste to prevent the wax from oozing onto Robert’s carpet after I knocked the candle over, I discarded the cookie which somersaulted through the air, banked off Robert’s desk and shattered into a thousand tiny pieces. Normally, I would just turn on the overhead and pick up each crumb in turn, however the crumbs are almost identical in color to the carpet. I feel my only recourse at this time is to bring in the vacuum and vacuum the entire floor just to be sure that each and every morsel is accounted for and absented from Robert’s office before he returns.
____________
Date: 06/24/99 12:41
Subject: Robert’s Office
... You didn’t tell me that the vacuum had a reverse setting. Unfortunately, in my effort to rid Robert’s office of the crumbs, the vacuum, which was set in the aforementioned reverse mode, discharged two cubic feet of dust, hair, and an accumulation of the sloughed off skin cells from everyone in the office. I have gotten the worst of it up, but I may need some help in wiping the layers of dust from the windows, because they’re starting to smear.
PS- Do you think it would be alright if I didn’t dust each of the blinds individually? I think that would take too long for something that, in all likelihood, will never be noticed by anyone.
____________
Date: 06/24/99 14:59
Subject: Robert’s Office
... I think I fixed the squeak, but I can’t get the door to the cabinet back on. Do you know where the toolbox is? If you can find it, I’ll be back here in Robert’s office. Oh — and could you bring the Lysol, too? Thanks!
PS- I got the gum off my shoe, but I can’t get it off Robert’s carpet. Maybe lighter fluid.
____________
Date: 06/24/99 15:29
Subject: Robert’s Office
Yeah, it’s still smoldering, but fortunately I kept my wits about me and poured some Coke on it. Do you think he’ll notice?
____________
Date: 06/24/99 16:10
Subject: Robert’s Office
No, I covered it with a throw rug.
PS- Do we have any glue?
____________
Date: 06/24/99 15:29
Subject: Robert’s Office
I want to thank you for your help with Robert’s office today. I think we got it back in shape, but I’m going to let it air out tonight, anyway.
Date: 06/24/99 11:32
Subject: Robert’s Office
... As you know, I feel some measure of responsibility for Robert and consider that my job of coordinating his affairs continues even when he is out of the office. During the 11:00 rattling of his cabinet, I discovered that the hinges were a little squeaky, so I took some WD-40 and sprayed it liberally over the hinges and deep into the cracks and crevices. I am pleased to report that the cabinet is performing perfectly now. If any other anomalies present themselves during the 12:00 rattling of his cabinet, I will let you know.
Ever vigilant in my endeavor to keep Robert coordinated, I remain
Bob
PS- You were right. Turning on the pretty lights in his office and lighting the candle to symbolically guide him safely back to us has lessened my separation anxiety.
____________
Date: 06/24/99 12:29
Subject: Robert’s Office
... Can you bring me the vacuum? During the 12:00 rattling of the cabinet, I was so intent on discharging my duty swiftly and efficiently that I completely forgot the cookie in my hand. In my haste to prevent the wax from oozing onto Robert’s carpet after I knocked the candle over, I discarded the cookie which somersaulted through the air, banked off Robert’s desk and shattered into a thousand tiny pieces. Normally, I would just turn on the overhead and pick up each crumb in turn, however the crumbs are almost identical in color to the carpet. I feel my only recourse at this time is to bring in the vacuum and vacuum the entire floor just to be sure that each and every morsel is accounted for and absented from Robert’s office before he returns.
____________
Date: 06/24/99 12:41
Subject: Robert’s Office
... You didn’t tell me that the vacuum had a reverse setting. Unfortunately, in my effort to rid Robert’s office of the crumbs, the vacuum, which was set in the aforementioned reverse mode, discharged two cubic feet of dust, hair, and an accumulation of the sloughed off skin cells from everyone in the office. I have gotten the worst of it up, but I may need some help in wiping the layers of dust from the windows, because they’re starting to smear.
PS- Do you think it would be alright if I didn’t dust each of the blinds individually? I think that would take too long for something that, in all likelihood, will never be noticed by anyone.
____________
Date: 06/24/99 14:59
Subject: Robert’s Office
... I think I fixed the squeak, but I can’t get the door to the cabinet back on. Do you know where the toolbox is? If you can find it, I’ll be back here in Robert’s office. Oh — and could you bring the Lysol, too? Thanks!
PS- I got the gum off my shoe, but I can’t get it off Robert’s carpet. Maybe lighter fluid.
____________
Date: 06/24/99 15:29
Subject: Robert’s Office
Yeah, it’s still smoldering, but fortunately I kept my wits about me and poured some Coke on it. Do you think he’ll notice?
____________
Date: 06/24/99 16:10
Subject: Robert’s Office
No, I covered it with a throw rug.
PS- Do we have any glue?
____________
Date: 06/24/99 15:29
Subject: Robert’s Office
I want to thank you for your help with Robert’s office today. I think we got it back in shape, but I’m going to let it air out tonight, anyway.
Wednesday, November 11, 1998
The Best Laid Plan of Guys and Hens
Some would say I deserve a standing ovation. Others would prefer you didn’t egg me on. Either way, regarding our half-baked idea, here’s how it boils down:
The plot of this story is a simple one: a case of boy meets chicken, boy loses chicken, boy finds chicken.
____________
The Best Laid Plans of Guys and Hens
Creative Treatment Draft 1
Act I
Our protagonist, a farm-hand named Monty, begins a relationship with a chicken. The chicken is the most beautiful he has ever seen — poultry in motion.
Act II
Monty runs afoul of the chicken farmer, Captain Pullet, who disapproves of the relationship. Cap Pullet tries to keep them apart, to no avail. At the end of the second act, he sells the chicken to a fast-food chicken chain in an effort to break them up.
Act III
Monty, thinking she has flown the coop, searches for his one true love, but she is nowhere to be found. Finally, exhausted and hungry, he stops in the chicken restaurant — where he finds his lover. With slaw.
Monty, overcome with grief, is consoled by the lady behind the counter at the restaurant. They share his chicken meal and top it off by breaking the wishbone together. Monty falls for the girl and all thoughts of the chicken are gone for good. He returns to the farm the cock of the walk. Arm in arm with his new love interest, he introduces her to the family, exclaiming proudly, “Look, Ma — no hens!”
Curtain.
The plot of this story is a simple one: a case of boy meets chicken, boy loses chicken, boy finds chicken.
____________
The Best Laid Plans of Guys and Hens
Creative Treatment Draft 1
Act I
Our protagonist, a farm-hand named Monty, begins a relationship with a chicken. The chicken is the most beautiful he has ever seen — poultry in motion.
Act II
Monty runs afoul of the chicken farmer, Captain Pullet, who disapproves of the relationship. Cap Pullet tries to keep them apart, to no avail. At the end of the second act, he sells the chicken to a fast-food chicken chain in an effort to break them up.
Act III
Monty, thinking she has flown the coop, searches for his one true love, but she is nowhere to be found. Finally, exhausted and hungry, he stops in the chicken restaurant — where he finds his lover. With slaw.
Monty, overcome with grief, is consoled by the lady behind the counter at the restaurant. They share his chicken meal and top it off by breaking the wishbone together. Monty falls for the girl and all thoughts of the chicken are gone for good. He returns to the farm the cock of the walk. Arm in arm with his new love interest, he introduces her to the family, exclaiming proudly, “Look, Ma — no hens!”
Curtain.
Tuesday, May 20, 1997
Correspondence: May 20, 1997
To Director of Alumni Programs, The Paideia School
After two downsizings this decade, I have finally settled as Sales Assistant at the Jack Morton Company, a corporate communications firm with offices across the nation. (I’ve been through one acquisition since I’ve been here, but this time I made the cut.)
I have my own desk which is home to my own day planner, my own toys and my own phone with lots of buttons. It is distressing to look back and realize that I started my life as Calvin, but I have ended up as Dilbert.
I recently moved so I could be closer to work, I can’t get a date and I spend my spare time watching my hair turn white.
After two downsizings this decade, I have finally settled as Sales Assistant at the Jack Morton Company, a corporate communications firm with offices across the nation. (I’ve been through one acquisition since I’ve been here, but this time I made the cut.)
I have my own desk which is home to my own day planner, my own toys and my own phone with lots of buttons. It is distressing to look back and realize that I started my life as Calvin, but I have ended up as Dilbert.
I recently moved so I could be closer to work, I can’t get a date and I spend my spare time watching my hair turn white.
Thursday, April 10, 1997
Let’s Talk about Atlanta
While much of the country is just now shaking free of winter’s icy grip, our city is in full flower. Our tree-lined streets are blooming one after the other in a Driving-Miss-Daisy chain of greenery. Landscapers with necks the color of red clay are putting pansies on every corner and pruning until they are bushed. Clouds of yellow pollen are settling on the city like some great Dustbowl of fertility. And, for those who suffer from allergies, our heads are about to explode.
Atlanta’s Jack Morton office is enjoying a similar Spring. After long lying dormant, our office is germinating with new faces and new perspectives. An eager and enthusiastic group suddenly finds itself part of a fecund company rich with talent beyond all imagining. The flowering of ideas resulting from this cross-pollination is unlike any seen in Atlanta for years. Our office is burgeoning with creativity, and our ideas — like those peach trees you hear about — are blossoming and will soon bear the fruit of our labor. We’re inspired. We’re excited ... and our heads are about to explode.
Atlanta’s Jack Morton office is enjoying a similar Spring. After long lying dormant, our office is germinating with new faces and new perspectives. An eager and enthusiastic group suddenly finds itself part of a fecund company rich with talent beyond all imagining. The flowering of ideas resulting from this cross-pollination is unlike any seen in Atlanta for years. Our office is burgeoning with creativity, and our ideas — like those peach trees you hear about — are blossoming and will soon bear the fruit of our labor. We’re inspired. We’re excited ... and our heads are about to explode.
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)