Saturday, November 29, 2008

I got rooked!

Ms. Russell at AT&T apparently misspoke when she told me that I have unlimited Internet for $60/month with the Laptop Connect Card. It turns out there is a limit and they don’t even have an unlimited plan with that device.

I inadvertantly went over my limit -- stupid Internet porn! -- and AT&T has cut me off until the beginning of the next billing cycle, which is December 7. A date which will live in infamy. I’ll have to rely on the networks of friends and family and various Wi-Fi hotspots until I’m back in the game.

So I’ll stay here. Y’all go on without me.

“No, Al, I can’t. We won’t leave you behind,” said Lucas, my devoted companion. I’d only known him since just before leaving St. Louis with him and his son, but we had become quite close in that short time.

“You’ll be better off without me,” I said. “I’ll just slow you down.”

I settled in with my back against a cottonwood and my Colt in my hand. I wasn’t figuring on sitting there helpless as a kitten if any Comanche came prowling around. I’d finish it quick.

“I can’t do it, Al,” he said.

“... Don’t you worry about me! I’ll be fine.”

He removed his old bowler and gripped its brim tightly in his hands. The boy hung his head solemnly, seemingly inspecting his well-worn boots.

“I’ll come back for you, Al. I swear,” said Lucas.

The boy looked up, his eyes red.

“Just promise me this,” I implored. “When you finally get out West, you find you a nice, quiet place by a bend in a river and you name a town after me, you hear?”

The boy held my gaze and said earnestly, “We will, Mr. Buquerque.”

Sorry. I went a little off topic.

Saturday, November 8, 2008

I am moved by the spirit of Thanksgiving.

I just want to tell the Indians that we’re sorry. Sorry about that Trail of Tears thing. We were just kidding. Come on back home. And bring a covered dish. We can make this right.

PS: Woo-woo-woo-woo!


Yeah maybe they can bring some Succotash or corn fritters, what they call maize fritters And I believe the correct phrase for the North Eastern tribes is “How!”

Negative kudos for you buddy!


Yeah, but I’m not in the Northeast. I believe the proper greeting down here is “Why?”

Hee hee! Circle the wagons! Company’s coming.

Negative kudos? Can you even do that?


Up in the Dakotas I believe the traditional greeting is “Who.”

Hey Custer, I can see your last stand from here!”

I can give negative kudos in my mind, it is the first step towards wisdom. ...


In Jersey, I think it’s “Oy!” As in, “Oy! I can’t believe we sold New York for $24!”

Earlier in life, Custer had a lemonade stand, a fruit stand, hot dog stand and a newspaper stand. None of them were succesful, either.

It is a little known fact that Custer’s last words were, “I see them! One little ... two little ... three little ... uh-oh!”

It is also not generally known that Buffalo Bill’s big battle was not fought at Wounded Knee as we are taught to believe, but down the road at Barked Shin. They changed it in the 1920s because Wounded Knee was closer to the highway.

They don’t tell you this stuff on The History Channel.


You two are crazy nuts – and so very entertaining! I just hope no Native Americans are reading this. I sorta like my scalp.


She and I are both part Cherokee, so it’s O.K. We can pretty much say what we want about the Red Man.

It’s kind of like how Michael Richards can’t say the “N” word but Chris Rock can.

If they don’t like what I have to say, so what? Sioux me!


I’m laughing only because I just saw some Trail of Tears thing on the History Channel a couple days ago.

Haven’t we reparationed with casinos? you know, in the spirit of pot melting – I think all Americans should change their current tradition and spend thanksgiving playing blackjack.


“Trail of Tears.” What a bunch of whiners!

I guess the casinos were a good idea as a way to mend fences, but I still have some reservations. They are certainly a good way for the tribes of today to thumb their noses at William “Harrah’s” Harrison, Ol’ Tippecanoe himself.


I counted each groan as I made as I read these comments – I had to quit counting when I ran out of fingers.


Heh-heh! Sure, you can mock us ... just be glad you have this blog to moccasin!


I know, it’s enough to make you want to Wampum up side the head. ... ;)


If you think you can draw a bead on me!