Monday, August 16, 2004

A "Sincere" Letter of Apology

Steve, my old friend,

“To hearken to evil conversation is the road to wickedness.” Have I inadvertently said some evil thing?

I am rank with remorse upon learning that I may have caused you any physical or emotional anguish as a result of any feckless comment I might have made. Any tittle-tattle in the community regarding the alleged purchase of your company ... by your competitor ... is, as far as I am concerned, baseless and unfounded.

I share your outrage that this sort of common talk should be disseminated so widely to vendor, competitor and client alike. Further, I am sickened and dismayed that my name should be attached to this wretched and shameful canard.

As sorrowful as this affair has been, I believe there is a lesson to be learned from it: We must refuse to pander to morbid interest in our neighbors’ fortunes. Now we must pick ourselves up, be sorry, shake ourselves, and go on again.

To borrow a bit of wisdom from Wall Street, “Buy on the rumor; sell on the news.” I’ll wait for the news. And, whatever the outcome, I want to see you basking in the glory of your success.

If I’ve done anything I’m sorry for, I’m willing to be forgiven.


Executive Producer

Tuesday, May 25, 2004

Best Face Forward

NEW YORK (Reuters) — In a continued effort of “right-sizing,” Jack Morton Worldwide today announced that it would eliminate two of the three faces of its logo. Gone will be “Insight” and “Action,” leaving only “Indifference.”

Increased pressure to meet its financial obligations by its parent, the struggling Interpublic Group of Companies, prompted Jack Morton to make the difficult decision to eliminate two of the three faces of the logo it first presented to the world in 2000.

“For many years, Insight and Action have played a vital role in the success of this company,” says CEO Josh McCall. “I believe Jack Morton still has a strong and dedicated presence poised to meet the challenges of the 21st century armed with Indifference alone.”

“When the economy stabilizes,” Says McCall, “Insight and Action could again become valued aspects of our culture ... after a rigorous interview process.”

Reactions from Jack Morton’s clients are varied. Doug Daft, outgoing Chairman and CEO of The Coca-Cola Company, was heard to comment, “Eh!”

Robert Nardelli, CEO of The Home Depot, released a statement through his attorney stating, “O.K.”

In a similar move in Q3 of 2003, Jack Morton eliminated two of its three values, “Trust, Respect, Agility,” leaving only Agility. Jack Morton Employees exemplified the remaining value by emptying more than 600 offices at an estimated 800 boxes per day in less than a week.

In response to the remaining icon, “Indifference,” Chairman Bill Morton stated, “Whatever!” Founder Jack Morton, contacted at his residence in Florida, was heard to say, “Mammy?”

Charlotte Merrell, Jack Morton’s Executive Vice President of Human Resources, when contacted by our staff, simply laughed.

May 25, 2004

NEW YORK (Reuters) — In a related story, the 600 employees downsized by Jack Morton in 2003 have been reassigned to Interpublic’s flagship company, McCann-Erickson, as receptionists.