Friday, November 13, 2009


Going back over my notebooks, I find the oddest things scrawled in the margins. Relics of some passing fancy, quickly written and as quickly forgotten. Then, when I come across them sometimes years later, I often wonder, "What was I thinking?"

Here are a few things I have found in those notebooks.


William was a good boy, as good as he could be
And William had a little sheep, so fine and soft and wee.
But William was a big boy, bigger than Uncle Fred.
Yes, William was a big boy … and now that sheep is dead.

(Sung to the tune of “Yankee Doodle.”)

Deutschland, Deutschland uber alles,
Goose step all o’er the pla-ace.
We can do whatever we want,
We are the Master Ra-ace.

Germans, Germans, ve are good,
Germans, ve are grea-eat.
Ve dominate the ones we love
And kill the ones we ha-ate!


Herpes burn day to you,
Herpes burn day to you.
Herpes burn day, herpes burn day,
Herpes burn day to you!

Aardvark, aardvark come out and play,
Suck up dem ants on a bright sunny day.
You’ve eaten dem ants ever since you was young.
Put yo face on de ground and dey stick on yo tongue.
Sho nuff.

Fire can heal, fire can burn us,
Fire will thrive on wood or coal.
Never reach inside a furnace,
Always poke it with a pole.

All around the carpenter’s bench
The Muslim chased the Jesus.
The Muslim thought ’twas all in fun,
Pop! Goes the Jesus …

Hunter’s arrow squarely sings
Toward the children on the swings.
Fred and Ethel are reviled
Lucy likes her cabbage biled.
Spicy jalapeƱo poppers,
Kmart saying “Hello shoppers,”
Perry Como, Dean and Bing,
This little song don’t mean a thing.


Long the shadows on Autumn’s eve
The sun sets … I rejoice.
“God,” I think, “I believe.”
I give the thought a voice.
Brown the leaves that tend to fall
Among the bowers bare,
As God above marks my call
And then ignores my prayer.


Lorem gypsum color cement, consecrate teeter adipose lint.
Damn no hominy, deuce ode temper, indecent labor, Dolores whimper.


England mourns her poet lost,
The late and good Lord Tennyson.
No finer dear has tempest tossed,
But that - my deer - is venison.


The rose is red, the violet is blue
I went to the dance and so did you.
At the wedding I tried to explain to your maw,
I don't really love you ... I drew the short straw.


Warm cat vomit
On a winter's night
Is cold come morning.


I've never seen a pig in a poke.
I never hope to see one.
At least I know, when times are tough,
I'd rather Weee! than be one.


I’ve never seen a sacred cow,
I never hope to see one.
But from what’s on the news right now,
I know that there must be one.


In the fell clutch of circumstance
I’ve never winced nor cursed my load.
Under the bludgeonings of chance
My head is bloody, but unbowed.


I went to Japan, I sat in a fancy tub.
You won’t believe-a what I saw-a!
I got a "thorough" body rub,
And I brought home an Ichikawa.

Violets are blue,
Roses are red.
I’m stalking you ...
I’m under your bed.

Prostate! Prostate! He’s our gland!

If you can’t reach it, no one can!

Raw Raw Raw!

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