Monday, October 10, 2005

Bald-Faced Lie

I was trimming my beard when my beard trimmer seized up on me and was ensconced in my facial hair like a tick on a dog. The only thing for it was to go for the clean-shaven look again. It took off ten years!

The bad news is that it also made me gain 25 pounds. I look like the bloated carcass of a drug dealer who has been badly beaten, strangled and thrown overboard from a drug-running ship after a deal gone bad, washed ashore and sat in the sun for two or three days. Yes, sir, that fat. I’m just afraid some seagull is going to see me and come peck my eyes out.

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